tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28676316.post4135472437647428010..comments2024-03-26T08:18:06.895-04:00Comments on Moristotle & Co.: Wash (a sonnet)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28676316.post-92231549964905486582016-05-29T13:08:49.377-04:002016-05-29T13:08:49.377-04:00Thanks for another fine poem about enjoying nature...Thanks for another fine poem about enjoying nature's wonders as a balm for psychic wounds.<br /><br />Your contrast of two streams, first of the turbulent water down the canyon vs. the later stream of visitors who spoil the authors peaceful streams of thought is good.<br /><br />I particularly like the alliteration and stress of the s-sounds in "spilling waterfalls from basin into basin as it hones the red-rock (nice, hard contrast to the previous flow), widening the canyon walls."<br /><br />Super!<br /><br />I think the last couplet would improve and become less apologetic if you eliminate the initial But, <br />to read:<br /><br />It's a damn shame, not to occupy<br />the wounds in peace, now that the season's dry.<br /><br />Scrap the strict pentameter for crisper meaning.<br /><br />The reader will impose his own rhythm on this line in pentameter form, a liberty taken by most good song writers that you also have.<br /><br />Rolf<br />Rolf Dumkehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08421053558040152196noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28676316.post-19372599759040907312016-05-18T03:04:11.514-04:002016-05-18T03:04:11.514-04:00Creatively written. A pleasure to read.Creatively written. A pleasure to read.Vic M.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06736914347731234718noreply@blogger.com