Guest “Pome of the Season”

16 Years Ago:
The 2006
Christmas Pome

By Bill Keene

[This delightful light verse had not been re-run (until today) since its appearance here on December 24, 2006, at 6:47 a.m.]

A lot of folks don’t know that Santa only has one eye.

The other is a glass replacement through which he can spy

all the little boys and girls, moms and daddies, too.

At any time of year he could be looking right at you.

Want to Know Who Set the Tablefor the Big Lie?

Go Look in a Mirror

By Paul Clark
(aka motomynd)

Even though I’m 67 years old, fairly world-wise and extremely well-traveled, it wasn’t until five years ago – when my son was almost two years old – that I fully realized that a shocking number of people are innately and almost maniacally dishonest. I had always noted that many people – including “good” people, and definitely not just “bad” people – routinely used exaggeration, partials truths and “white” lies in their normal conversation with me, but it wasn’t until I saw them blatantly lying to my toddler-age son that the point hit home.

The Loneliest Liberal’s Letter to Santa

By James Knudsen

Dear Santa, I must confess, this electronic form of communication is very convenient and a real boon to those who put off making their Christmas Wish List until the very last minute. And yes, I do realize it is the very last minute, but I know you will do your level best. This Christmas:

Correspondence: Round about Christmas

Edited by Moristotle

Nice Christmas picture: “‘Everyone was stunned’: Snow falls in Sahara desert town for first time in 37 years” [Jason Samenow, Washington Post, December 21]. Excerpt:

Tuesday Voice

Today's voice belongs to
Contributing Editor
Ken Marks

A tale of two Christmases

Excuse me. May I interrupt your shopping for just a minute? I’m wondering if you’re aware that there are actually two Christmases, not one. No, I’m not joking. One Christmas is what I call the Baby Jesus Christmas, or Christmas 1. It’s all about the adoring Magi, the Star of Wonder, the awestruck shepherds and their flocks, the humble manger scene, the tender and mild infant, myrrh and frankincense, the appearance of the angel, and tidings of comfort and joy. The other is the Santa Claus Christmas, or Christmas 2.

No sanity clause

Could Paul Krugman have produced Christmas's best pun, not only for its pertinence to our politics but also to Christmas itself? In his opinion piece, "Tidings of Comfort," in today's New York Times, he's explaining why so many people are complaining about "the legislation that passed the Senate on Thursday and will probably, in a slightly modified version, soon become law [and] make America a much better country":

There are three main groups of critics.
    First, there’s the crazy right, the tea party and death panel people — a lunatic fringe that is no longer a fringe but has moved into the heart of the Republican Party. In the past, there was a general understanding, a sort of implicit clause in the rules of American politics, that major parties would at least pretend to distance themselves from irrational extremists. But those rules are no longer operative. No, Virginia, at this point there is no sanity clause.

"But," Krugman continues, "given the way the Senate rules work, it takes 60 votes to do almost anything. And that fact, combined with total Republican opposition, has placed sharp limits on what can be enacted.
    "If progressives want more, they’ll have to make changing those Senate rules a priority...."
    Krugman's opinion piece on Monday ("A Dangerous Dysfunction") focused on the need for that change. May it happen.

Little Johnny on Santa Claus

Christmas opens the colder eye not only of Moristotle, but also of eight-year-old Johnny, who replied to our question, What do you want for Christmas?
    "I want all the false-bearded, fat-padded old pedophiles to stop molesting me and my sister. We get enough of that already at the Church and from our uncle Bob."
    But your parents made a special trip to the mall—
    "Yeah, you'd think they actually believe that rot about Santa Claus."

Guest "Pome of the Season"

The 2006 Christmas Pome

By Bill Keene
©Copyright 2006

A lot of folks don't know that Santa only has one eye.
The other is a glass replacement through which he can spy
all the little boys and girls, moms and daddies, too.
At any time of year he could be looking right at you.

I only mention this because it changed ol' Santa's life,
by being instrumental in the meeting of his wife.
In early days, the eye was loose, it didn't really fit,
and now and then would just fall out, and roll around a bit.

It was a nuisance, that's for sure, and quite a bit of trouble.
More than one went missing, or smashed itself to rubble.
One day at a bus stop underneath the pouring rain
with no hint of a warning, the eye popped out again.

Before it hit the ground or even had a chance to fall,
a pretty girl reached out and snatched it like it was a ball.
A grateful Santa smiled at her, and soon they started dating.
'Til finally it led up to the royal North Pole mating.

And though it may seem foolish to the cynics who ask why,
Santa went and married the first girl to catch his eye.