...that a person
can hear
[First appeared as “Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan – About giving advice that a person can hear” on May 11, 2015.]
During the venerable run of your “Ask Susan” columns, whenever we have forwarded you a question, you have always seemed to rub your palms together in delight, often replying within only two or three days. Giving advice seems to be your métier, or calling. What do you think of that? Does it feel like a calling, or just what does it feel like to you?
How can I get my family to stop punishing me?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
My sister and my fiancé had an affair that blew my family and my life into pieces. The two have both moved on with different partners now and life is great for them, but I’m still dealing with what happened. What I’m struggling with most is that it was my own sister who betrayed me, and we were always so close.
I wish my husband & I weren’t together – what should I do?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I’ve been married for 26 years and have two teenage children. I haven’t been happy for a long time and my husband and I have not had sex for at least five years. I’ve been hoping he’ll get fed up and leave. Recently, I told him I wanted a divorce, but he accused me of being selfish and not thinking about our children – my elder is leaving home to go to college in September, though.
How can I know she has given me a clear sign she wants to have sex?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I have been dating a woman for about two months now. She is 57 and I am 68. She’s a lot of fun to be with and we always have a great time together. I think it could develop into a more serious long-term relationship.
How can I make peace with death?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
God knows I have thought my fair share about death. My goal for many years was to make it past the age at which my father died. I hoped I would find relief in that, but I didn’t.
Didn’t, that is, until a couple of months ago when I finally shared my fears with my husband as we were talking about my insomnia. I told him about my habit of “going dark,” going into the shadows during my most vulnerable nighttime hours to do battle with the thought of dying. My husband had no wise words to offer me, he just understood. Since that day, I no longer wake up every night and think about the end of my life.
But I’m still looking for some “wise words” about this. Do you have any to offer me? –Seeker
I don’t think I want to be married anymore
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I just don’t know what to do about my marriage. I’ve been with my husband for 10 years and we have been married for five of those. I’m going to be 30 this year and we have a three-year-old child and six-month-old baby.
What can I do about this copycat?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I have a friend who copies every move I make, yet she criticizes me to my face and to others.
Too much & too little
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I like having sex, but don’t want it to go on for hours at a time, which my boyfriend does. I would like us to climax at about the same time, but he likes me to have four orgasms before he has one – and he can only do that by pleasuring himself.
Which man, or neither?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I am in a five-year relationship with someone – we are best friends, childhood sweethearts and ridiculously well-matched. It has honestly been such a perfect relationship.
Should I get myself checked for STDs?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I have been with my partner for eight years and we are due to be married within the next 12 months. The problem I have is that we got together young – I was 17 – and I’d had sexual partners before, but never got checked for STDs.
About ladies and aging and looks
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I’m a man of 66 and my girlfriend is 67 and looks a lot younger than she is. She is so beautiful, and I’m madly in love with her. We first met 38 years ago, but lost touch, then she tracked me down on Facebook a few years ago and we have been seeing each other for the past six months.
Should I break up with my fiancé to be with the man I have butterflies for?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I fell in love with someone but when he asked for my hand in marriage, my parents refused because he’s not educated like I am. He’s from a family my parents don’t get along with. I wanted to please them so I broke up with him, thinking I’d done the right thing.
Then on a work trip, I met someone else and he seemed the sweetest guy on earth. He surprised me by coming to my home town and proposing. My parents liked him, and the way he asked me was so romantic it was hard to say no.
Now, though, I can’t help thinking of the first guy. I talked to him on the phone and got butterflies when I heard his voice. I’ve never felt like this for my fiancé. Should I break up with him?
One more thing. I come from a culture that forbids sex before marriage, and I’ve been intimate with my fiancé, which makes my decision even harder. –What Now?
How do we all be good neighbors?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I have a question regarding etiquette. I put a basketball goal up for my son in front of my house. Now my neighbor (who has lived here less than a month) has a son who is ALWAYS using it (when my children are not). He has never asked, nor his parents. Today, they are having a get together with about 10 people, and are outside in front of my house and their own. I had to wait for them to get from in front of my driveway to get in and they didn’t even bother speaking! How would you handle this? Am I being “unneighborly”? –Neighbor
How can I fix my on-off relationship with this girl?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I’ve had an on-off relationship with a girl for nearly three years. There’s been a lot of back and forth awkwardness and drama during this time, but last month things finally seemed sorted out. We actually settled on being together and we confessed all of our feelings for one another.
When I left the country for a few weeks, we missed each other terribly, so I surprised her by coming home a little early, which she seemed happy about.
Now, however, she appears less interested. Maybe I’m making too much of it, but she doesn’t talk to me like she used to and doesn’t text me as often and so on. I’ve asked her if there’s anything wrong and she insists there isn’t and that she loves me.
I was thinking of not texting her for a while to give her some space. I’ve thought about this relationship every day for as long as I can remember knowing her. How do I fix this and keep her happy? –On-Off
How can I protect my sons from their father?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I’m currently going through a divorce and my youngest child, who’s 12, has gone to live with his dad without my consent. Our family home is soon to be sold and I can’t afford to live in the immediate area due to the high cost of renting properties.
At the moment my son is only five minutes away, but I’m too scared to knock on my ex’s door to see him. My ex is a bully and I know my son is scared to see me because of how his dad might react. I used to contact my son via Facebook, but now he doesn’t read my messages, let alone reply. And he never visits, despite the fact he has to pass my door many times and I work from home. I’m terrified that I will lose him forever and don’t know what to do.
I also have an older boy who’s 18 and he’s scared of his dad too. –Ruth
Can older men keep their sexual response up through technique & attitude adjustment?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
Susan, a couple of friends and I have shared with each other that our libidos have fallen off (we are all males, of similar "mature" ages). I raised this subject with them because my slightly older single sister said she is still "very sexually active," and she likes to brag about it. I made the mistake of telling her I'm not that interested in sex anymore, and she berated me with all these stories of affairs she has with men my age, and older. She went into graphic specifics of their sexual activities, implying that it is her techniques that are wildly "successful" in the act. When I tell her I don't believe it, she says the reason is my attitude, that I think of myself as old and past it.
I have been thinking about what she told me, but I just don't know. My friends and I don't think that sexual activity and response are simply a matter of attitude or specific "techniques." One of them was familiar with your column and suggested I ask you to help us clarify.
–Mature Male
About giving advice that a person can hear
Edited by Morris Dean
During the venerable run of your “Ask Susan” columns, whenever we have forwarded you a question, you have always seemed to rub your palms together in delight, often replying within only two or three days. Giving advice seems to be your métier, or calling. What do you think of that? Does it feel like a calling, or just what does it feel like to you?
You should just know by now that i will resist any labeling whatsoever. Not my calling, just something you thought of (tho, weird, i was thinking of the same thing when you mentioned it) and i love doing it.
What does one do?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
What does one do when dreams feel shortchanged except by sleeping? I know that some poetry I have written has come true for me. The poems exhausted me in the reality they became. I also know that tears are cleansing.
How do I get past the fact that my grown children and their actions in life are not my responsibility anymore? I feel like I owe it to myself to be my own responsibility and to trust God and human beings with this answer. I received emotional support from a professional and will continue to do so. The emotional support I received was just plain excellent. It is difficult so far because it seems my biggest quest if for someone to truly love me for who I am. Presently I am enjoying the freedom to be me. Dear Susan, what do I do to reach a goal? –Patricia
Should I take him back?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I split up with the father of my kids nearly three years ago. We were together for five years before he moved back to Canada. But over the past month or so we have been getting very close again. He’s in an unhappy relationship and wants to move back to give our relationship another go. He cheated on me when we were together, but now I feel that I’m making him cheat on her with me. Am I a fool if I get back with him after all this time apart? I’m really confused about it all. –Cassie Mae
Is this a boy I should get serious with?
By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
Two weeks ago I met this boy on a night out with friends. He’s 22 and I am 20. Before I gave him my number I made a point of saying that if he was looking for a casual fling, then I wasn’t the right girl for him.
That night, after the bar closed, he came back to mine and we sat in the kitchen until 5 a.m. chatting, and it was lovely. Since then we have met up a few times.
He’s said things to me like, “You make me smile,” and “Whenever I see a text from you, I feel happy.” He’s also mentioned that he’s not a “dick”!
However, the first week we started seeing each other seriously, I found out he’d only recently come out of a long-term relationship, which set alarm bells ringing. I don’t want to be a rebound relationship, so I texted him and emphasized that I don’t want a “friends with benefits” type of arrangement.
He said it was true he’d split up with his girlfriend a couple of months before, but he would never play with my emotions and that he would love to see what happens between us.
What do you think? –Bernadine
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