Goines On: The debate

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Goines has been trying for several days to decide whether or not to watch tonight’s debate between President Trump and Joe Biden. A friend he has been discussing the pros and cons of it with thinks it’s a waste of time if you already know who you’re going to vote for, and Goines does know that – in fact, Goines has already voted, and so has Mrs. Goines. Anything is a waste of time, the friend summarizes, that makes no difference to the outcome.
    Goines started the conversation with his friend by asking “Will you watch how Mr. Biden fares against the lying bully in tomorrow’s debate?”
    Neither the Goineses nor Goines’ friend watched any of the primary debates, but Goines now feels anxious for Joe Biden, having to face that maniac Trump. Can Biden “handle” the clown? Ideally, Biden will handle him so well he’ll become visibly addled, rattled, and incensed, and effectively self-destruct. But is Mr. Biden capable of that? And will he actually manage it?

    Goines has idled away quite a few minutes in the past few days imagining how Biden’s team have been coaching him for the encounter. Whom have they drafted to play Trump in their presumed practice sessions? Somehow Alec Baldwin doesn’t seem to fill the bill – not manic enough. A wilder actor is needed, someone like Robin Williams – but that dear, manic man is no longer with us. Joaquin Phoenix? (Goines is thinking of this actor’s role in Joker, how he improvised numerous variations of virtually every scene in the movie, with the director and the rest of the cast standing by in awful trance.)
    And then Goines looks at the listings to see what time the debate will begin. Relieved at what he discovers, he tells his friend, “I just found out I can’t watch it; I’ll be sound asleep by 9:30.”

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