Saturday, November 14, 2015

Second Saturday's Sonnet

Prize

By Morris Dean













“Stately?” she quizzed my comment on her walk,
    her high-heeled shoes exalting shapely limbs
displayed in tights that summoned men to gawk
    and sing out something not for churchly hymns.


Our eyes had met and I had winked a smile
    to signal my pleasure in compliment.
And her smile back had shown there might be guile
    in dressing so. I answered: “Elegant.”

And gaining courage from her smiling eyes,
    I said, “Not to mention sexy,” and laughed.
She did too, now the air was clear of lies.
    She seemed happy her arts of wardrobe craft
had even attracted an older guy’s
attention – yeah! – and that for me was prize.


Copyright © 2015 by Morris Dean

6 comments:

  1. We hope that lovers of Eric Meub's excellent sonnets won't be too disappointed by today's sonnet from a lesser sonneteer.

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  2. Hi Eric, I enjoyed your making a poem of a fleeting, charming moment.
    But, are you a bit too much enthralled by iambic pentameters?
    If I may, can I suggest a change in the second stanza:
    ....
    Signalling my pleasure in assent.
    Her smile came back, a sign perhaps of guile
    ....

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    Replies
    1. Rolf, I sincerely hope that Eric will be flattered by your imputation of my sonnet to him, for that would reassure me that perhaps it is worthy of appearing in the same column with his sonnets!

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    2. Good observation, however, Rolf, about the perhaps too-insistent iambic rhythm. I went from a first draft that was way too little iambic and might very well, in several revisions, have gone too far the other way.

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  3. Absolutely delightful poem Morris! I have to say I like Rolf's suggestion very much. You two are quite a team.

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  4. Eric, thank you. I am very pleased that both you and Rolf like my poem. I too approve Rolf's suggestion, except for being bothered by one of the suggested lines ("signaling my pleasure in assent") lacking a tenth beat. Do you think that's a negligible consideration?

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