[In the article that follows, Motomynd puts the heat on Moristotle as well as on Moristotle's readers. But to show he's a good sport, Moristotle confessed yesterday that he turf turds his lawn.
Recently your blog was abuzz about global warming. From the responses [see
comments on the post "In awe of Nature's four billion years on Earth"], the consensus seemed to be that not only was the earth warming, but people were causing it. So here is a quiz designed to find out if your readers are concerned enough about global warming to actually be doing their part to combat it—or if all is just rhetoric. Answer the following questions to establish your GWAR—Global Warming Action Rating:
1. The stereotypical great American lawn is a green desert that, from an environmental perspective, ranks only a couple of notches above a parking lot. In our quest for tidy expanses of green grass we kill the earth beneath it with chemicals, spew pollutants while mowing and trimming, and waste water and energy. What does your lawn say about your GWAR?
A) I have a yard that requires no mowing, watering or fertilizing. It takes care of itself and I pay the necessary attorney fees to keep my neighbors and the zoning commission at bay. Perfect score! 10 points! You don't just talk the talk, you walk the walk!
B) Most of my yard is natural. I never seed, feed, or water. I do essential trimming with hand tools, or with a battery powered trimmer—and I recharge the batteries with solar panels or a windmill. Great score! 7 points! You talk, you walk, and you compromise on your terms.
C) Part of my yard is natural. The rest I feed, seed, and water and I take care of, or hire someone to take care of, with a traditional gas-powered mower. 4 points, at least you are making an effort.
D) To keep peace with the neighbors I have a yard that requires mowing, watering, and seeding. And aerating and plugging, whatever that is. No score! Zero points! You talk, but you don't walk—you barely crawl.
2. American business commuters create an immense carbon footprint. When traveling back and forth to work, what do you do to help with the problem?
A) I walk or pedal a bicycle. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) I travel exclusively by mass transit. Great score! 7 points!
C) I carpool, commute alone in an electric vehicle, or use a gas-powered vehicle that gets at least 60 miles per gallon. 4 points, at least you are making an effort.
D) I drive alone, get
way less than 50 mpg, and can’t be bothered thinking about it. Zero points! But you knew that already, right?
3. American casual travelers also create an immense carbon footprint. How do you travel for fun?
A) I walk or pedal a bicycle. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) I travel exclusively by mass transit. Great score! 7 points!
C) I carpool, commute alone in an electric vehicle, or use a gas-powered vehicle that gets at least 60 miles per gallon. 4 points, at least you are making an effort.
D) I drive alone, get
way less than 50 mpg, and can’t be bothered thinking about it. Zero points! But you already knew that again, right?
4. Since this is America and we can’t get away from travel, let’s talk about how we go on vacation. Yes, there is a recurring theme here.
A) I walk or pedal a bicycle. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) I travel exclusively by mass transit. Great score! 7 points!
C) I fly, or travel with three others in a vehicle that gets at least 30 miles per gallon, or drive with at least one other person in an electric vehicle. 4 points. At least you are making an effort.
D) I drive alone, get
way less than 50 mpg, and still don’t want to be bothered thinking about it. Zero points! But you already knew that again, right?
5. The typical American meat-based diet is another huge waste of resources that creates an oversize carbon footprint. So how do you rate?
A) I’m a vegan. I use no animal products at all. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) I’m an ova-lacto vegetarian. I eat a grain and vegetable-based diet supplemented only with eggs and milk. Great score! 7 points!
C) I am working on becoming a vegetarian. Eating mostly fish and chicken, and just the occasional burger, counts for something doesn’t it? 4 points. Again, at least you are trying.
D) This is America, of course I eat a lot of meat. Zero points! Yes, I already knew that.
6. How and where we eat can impact global warming almost as much as what we eat.
A) I never cook. Really. I eat everything raw. Perfect score! 10 points! (But how on earth do you do it? We really want to know!)
B) I cook once or twice a week. The rest of the time I warm leftovers in a solar oven or microwave. Great score! 7 points!
C) I cook when I want and eat out when I wish. But at least I favor dimly lit restaurants that serve mostly vegetarian fare. 4 points, keep trying.
D) I drive a gas guzzler, sit 10 minutes in a drive-thru with the motor running, and cook outside on a grill that uses more fuel per meal than a hybrid car does in a week. Yeah, I know, zero points.
7. Enough about food—how about shelter?
A) I live in a tent (or tepee or
yurt) and I travel as the season changes like Native Americans and Mongols, so I never use heat or air. And by Mongols I mean descendants of Genghis Khan, not the motorcycle gang. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) I live in an environmentally friendly multi-family housing complex, or a single-family home completely powered by solar or wind. Great score! 7 points!
C) My single-family home is powered by the grid, but at least I updated the windows and insulation and use insulated blinds, drapes, and curtains. 4 points. Keep it up.
D) I’m pretty sure we added storm windows on the north side of the house, but gas, oil, and electricity aren’t really all the expensive, so I use what I need. Yep, zero points.
8. And how about minimizing the environmental impact of that shelter?
A) I carry my tent on my back and walk from winter home to summer hangout. What more can I do? Hard to argue with that. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) We use a state-of-the art thermostat to maximize the benefit of our environmentally friendly heating system, water the garden with rain water, and compost all we can. Great score! 7 points!
C) We use one of those fancy computer-controlled thermostats, wear more clothes indoors in winter so we can set the heat lower, and we threw out a bunch of stuff and downsized to a smaller home. 4 points. You are getting there!
D) If it is cold we turn up the thermostat and if it is hot we turn it down. So what? Zero points, at least you are consistent.
9. How does your recycling affect your GWAR?
A) We buy items only in environmentally friendly packaging and recycle and compost everything. We never have trash. Perfect score! 10 points!
B) We recycle all our cardboard and paper products, and all the plastic bottles and jugs, but keeping track of all those different numbers on plastic is just a little too much. Great score! 7 points! That is a lot more than most people do.
C) Cereal should be in a box, not a bag, so that’s the way we buy it. But we do recycle the boxes and a few other things. Four points, about average.
D) We have four trash cans. Do you really expect us to find room for a recycling bin? Need we even say zero points?
10. Here is a chance to earn some bonus points.
A) I never buy water in plastic bottles. Great! Add 10 points to your score!
B) I maintain recommended tire pressure and check it weekly. Good! Add 7 points!
C) I turn the thermostat down to 60 in winter and wear a sweater made from recycled plastic bottles. Nice touch, add 5 points.
D) I always recycle all batteries and old electronics. That counts. Add 3 points.
So what does your GWAR say about you?
100 or more points: You are a global warming action hero! They may make a movie and market a line of toys based on your exploits.
80-100 points: You not only talk the talk, you walk the walk.
60-80 points: Not awful, but you need more walk and less talk.
40-60 points: Probably about average, sadly.
20-40 points: Barely below average, even more sadly.
0-20 points: Do you just not care? Or are you among those people who believe the world is going to end in a few months, so why bother?
