The Loneliest Liberal: Dog speaking

By James Knudsen

Oooof. I’m going to have a talk with that cat. Whatever he’s eating is...don’t get me wrong, it’s delicious, but I gotta be able to go places without having to worry about letting loose with a little bark from the other end. And I don’t live alone. Every time I fark, The Philosopher, oooh, the look he gives me. Does he really think what comes outta him is rainbows and puppies? Actually, that’s not a good analogy. I was a puppy, and I know how disgusting we can be. Cutest things on the planet, am I right? But, totally disgusting. When I was a puppy I’d sometimes chew on books. Gross.

One Year Ago Today: Unique new evidence for divine intervention

Remember: “God” backwards spells “Dog”

By Moristotle

[The first official “poop patrol” report for the Collington Farms development in Mebane, North Carolina, was published on December 22, 2017. During the year ending today, Siegfried and I have collected approximately 1,144 piles of poop. The number is approximate because errors are inevitable, and it is occasionally unclear whether one pile resulted from only one poop, or whether two piles were produced by a single poop.]

By the half-way point of our walk this morning (about 3/4 of a mile into it), Siegfried and I had found (and I had collected) seven piles of poop (presumably dog poop). Hot damn! We had just tied the record set only a few days ago. It had more often been four or five piles, sometimes six.

Correspondence: Dogs on and off the leash

Edited by Moristotle

[Items of correspondence are not attributed; they remain anonymous. They have been chosen for their inherent interest as journalism, story, or provocative opinion, which may or may not be shared by the editor or other members of the staff of Moristotle & Co.]

Moristotle, how well do you wash your hands after you & Siegfried return from your poop patrols? The story “The Parasite on the Playground” from The New York Times [Laura Beil, January 16] points out that “Adult Toxocara roundworms live in the small intestines of infected cats and dogs. The eggs are excreted in their feces.” And “they can be ingested by children playing outside; the worm’s larvae have been found in the brain...perhaps impairing development.” [Read more.]
    [Uh, not as well as I should, I see!]

On the eighth day...

This turd is not a local finding, but “a strange
sort of copros” that recently appeared on a
driveway in Los Gatos, CA, whose owner [of the
driveway] sent me the photo to see, “given
[my] expertise,” whether I could “id the
originator” – I could not.

Of the Poop Patrol

By Moristotle

I don’t think I knew, when I published “Unique new evidence for divine intervention” on December 22, that “the Poop Patrol” might become a daily thing. But for one week and a day, anyway, it has, and I have filed daily reports on both the official and the unofficial Facebook group pages (official by virtue of the approval and moderation of the community’s homeowners association’s board of directors).

Unique new evidence for divine intervention

Remember: “God” backwards spells “Dog”

By Moristotle

By the half-way point of our walk this morning (about 3/4 of a mile into it), Siegfried and I had found (and I had collected) seven piles of poop (presumably dog poop). Hot damn! We had just tied the record set only a few days ago. It had more often been four or five piles, sometimes six.