Fish for Friday

Limerick of the Week:

It's a terrible thing when a pipe gets clogged up,
Whether a pipe in your heart or one lower's cocked up.
    With either dysfunction,
    You feel you need unction,
Something to clean your pipes out and get you back up.

On this vegan stuff let's just cut to the chase....



That hits the male on the head. The cause of erectile dysfunction is the same as the cause for heart disease. If you have vascular disease somewhere, you have vascular disease everywhere. If your heart dies, you die. If your penis dies, you might as well be dead.

That comment is ad-copy slick! Excellent points all. Especially the last one. Years ago in my hometown, PETA did one of its "nude chick in a cage" protest actions, and a local radio station did its form of protest with free hot dogs directly across the street. Local TV stations of course had to cover it, and I will never forget them panning to the fat locals in jeans slavering for the free hot dogs and then to the hot chick in the cage and a TV talking head saying something like "you know, as I compare the scenes in the two camps, I can't help but wonder if there may be something to this vegan thing after all."
    Btw...over the weekend I was reminded of joke about another kind of clogged pipe. Have you guys heard it?

A doctor living in an exclusive country club estate flushes his toilet late on a Saturday night and discovers it is clogged. He tries a plunger with no luck. He has several friends coming over for Sunday brunch so he goes online, finds a 24-hour emergency drain cleaning service, and gives them a call.
    Thirty minutes later a scruffy and tired looking man shows up, and instead of asking to see the toilet, asks only to see the basement. He takes a quick look, walks back to his old van, comes in with a small sledge hammer, and whacks a pipe. There is a huge whooshing sound and the drain clears.
    "That's amazing," the doctor says. "how much do I owe you?"
    "$500," answers the plumber.
    "$500!" the doctor says in disbelief, "You were only here five minutes. I want an itemized statement on that."
    So the plumber writes out an invoice: "Hitting pipe, $25; knowing where to hit, $475. Total: $500."
    Begrudgingly, the doctor writes a check.

That's all well and good. But did you know that two years later....

The doctor is working in the emergency room late one night, and the very same plumber comes in, complaining that he can barely breathe. The doctor listens to his chest and says "your heart sounds fine, but your abdomen feels swollen and it may be putting pressure on your chest. It could be any number of factors, we will have to run some tests."
    The plumber says "don't do that! I don't have insurance. I think its because I ate too much at this new buffet my wife took me too. If I could just throw up I think I would feel fine. I tried to, but I couldn't"
    The doctor says "oh, I can fix that for $500."
    "$500? I have that on me," the plumber says.
    "If you will sign this release and write that check, I will take care of you," the doctor says.
    With the check written and paperwork signed the doctor tells the plumber to stand up and shut his eyes. Then he kicks him between the legs as hard as he can.
    The plumber collapses to the floor, starts vomiting, and in a few minutes says "well, I feel better, but I don't see how you can charge me $500 for that."
    The doctor hands him a statement: "$25 for kick; $475 for knowing where to kick; $500 total."

Don't eat fish? Don't eat salads? Don't eat out?
    An independent study by Oceana, an environmental advocacy group, claims "rampant" mislabeling of fish sold in stores and served in restaurants. DNA testing revealed that overall, one-third of fish served for food are mislabeled. Some cases are much worse: If you ask for snapper, you stand an 87% chance of getting something else. There is a good chance that "something else" is farm-raised tilapia, which reportedly lacks many of the benefits people seek when eating fish. For more on that: "Another Side of Tilapia, the Perfect Factory Fish," NY Times, May 2, 2011.
    While we're on the topic of supposedly healthy food, Popeye wouldn't like this news: The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that from 1998 to 2008, leafy greens—such as lettuce and spinach—accounted for 46% of food-borne illnesses. According to the study, more than half of food-borne norovirus outbreaks were caused by sick food handlers, and more than 80% of outbreaks involved food prepared in commercial settings such as restaurants or catering businesses.
    Here are links to stories in the LA Times that give more details than you may wish to know: "Think that's snapper? Rampant seafood mislabeling in U.S., study says" (February 21); "Leafy greens responsible for 46% of food-borne infections, CDC says" (January 29).
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Copyright © 2013 by Morris Dean

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