Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How can I deal with the stress of an annoying co-worker?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I am a 42-year-old woman, who, until six months ago, was out of work for two years. For the past six months, I have been working in an office where I really enjoy my job and am getting on well.
    The problem is the co-worker I share an office with. She is in her 20s, is very loud, and, in my opinion, wears inappropriate clothes to the office – for example, shorts and T-shirts with no bra! Also, she wears very strong perfume that lingers everywhere! She has been here nearly two years, and my other colleagues have told me they too find her irritating and off-putting, which is why she had been in an office of her own until I arrived. The supervisor (male) just shrugs or laughs when we say anything.
    What can I do to ease the stress this situation is causing me! I really need this job and can’t risk being fired if I were to lose it with this office-mate. –Office Worker

Dear Office Worker,
    Congratulations on being employed again. I bet that wait was scary and perhaps painful.
    You are correct in holding your tongue with your office-mate. Only two of your issues appear to be work-related; her voice volume and, perhaps, the scent she wears. If there is a Human Relations department for your company, you can try talking to them. I suggest doing that rather than discussing this further with other staff.
    Or, you can become pleasant and friendly with your office mate (modeling the behavior you wish to share). Start by not being so disapproving and stand-offish (this could be how she sees you?). Bring up a topic of mutual interest (your town, dogs, cats, music...I am sure there is something safe). If you cook or bake, see if she would like to share something you bring. I bet that being a continuing employee is as important to her as it is to you. Hmmm. Something in common.
    After you have done that for a month...then you can ask her about the two items you have a business-related right to discuss with her as an office mate: Her vocal volume and the level of scent.

• You could explain that you need lowered volume to help you concentrate on your tasks, and to improve business phone conversations.
• People vary widely in their reactions to scent. You can say you are slightly allergic and/or it aggravates your sinus issues.

    Anyone else’s clothing style is not a business-related item for you. If the company did have a dress code, you should have been given a copy when you were hired. It would appear that they don’t, and that her style of dress does not impede the completion of her job duties. Fashions change. I remember how surprised I was when younger female management professionals started to not wear pantyhose, not wear suit jackets, and wore the tails of their blouses un-tucked! Style had changed on me. Let it be.
    Good luck.

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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price