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By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
What does one do when dreams feel shortchanged except by sleeping? I know that some poetry I have written has come true for me. The poems exhausted me in the reality they became. I also know that tears are cleansing.
How do I get past the fact that my grown children and their actions in life are not my responsibility anymore? I feel like I owe it to myself to be my own responsibility and to trust God and human beings with this answer. I received emotional support from a professional and will continue to do so. The emotional support I received was just plain excellent. It is difficult so far because it seems my biggest quest if for someone to truly love me for who I am. Presently I am enjoying the freedom to be me. Dear Susan, what do I do to reach a goal? –Patricia
Dear Ms P,
You have asked a number of intriguing questions. It seems that you have faced some challenges and learned a lot, on your own and with professional help. Keep going on both sides.
I have moved your sentences around and grouped them in a way that makes sense to me. I hope this structure makes sense to you.
“What does one do when dreams feel shortchanged except by sleeping?”
I translate this as, my dreams are more good/fun than my awake life. Yeah, sounds like it’s time for some changes in your life. AND
- you can continue to enjoy the stories your mind tells you in the dreams,
- sometimes those stories will give you an idea on how to move your life, and
- be glad you do wake up, life is generally a good thing. (And most of us don’t know what “not living” might really be like...so better the life you KNOW....)
“I know that some poetry I have written has come true for me. The poems exhausted me in the reality they became.”
Yes, often any art we create reflects where we are, or where we are headed. So, a poem can tell you about doing something that you had no conscious idea you were about to do. So could a painting. It can be hard to tell which “informed” or “directed” the other, the doing, or the art...and it’s not necessary to decide which started it.
If the “reality,” the doing, is exhausting, pause and try again another day. Particularly if the doing is new...this can be very tiring. Take it in small steps. Or try a smaller version. or a related version. Back to the water concept explored above, yeah, if you are out of shape, trying to learn a water sport could be quite exhausting. Maybe the poem was not about water...but really about blue. Paint something small blue and look at it. Search for a blue pebble. Use blue fabric in a quilt.
“I also know that tears are cleansing.”
I totally agree. And, if you find yourself crying more than anything else: sitting, sleeping, showering, making lunch, whatever...then it probably is time for more professional help...and more gentle exercise, like yoga or walking outdoors.
“How do I get past the fact that my grown children and their actions in life are not my responsibility anymore?”
I am not sure that one “gets PAST” on this, you might have to see the situation, remind yourself that it’s not all because, up to, or about YOU. And then you might have to keep reminding yourself for a great number of times. I have to remind myself of this frequently.
I sense that there are a great number of feelings that we don’t get past, (until WE are “past”). We understand them better and better and, therefore, get used to them. It can be important to keep reminding yourself that your “job” with these children is done and you should not allow them to tell you that they and their actions are still your responsibility.
It is also important to have other responsibilities somewhat clear in your head. Your responsibility to yourself. Maintaining your own physical and mental health. Exploring your creativity...and anything else that catches your fancy.
“It is difficult so far because it seems my biggest quest is for someone to truly love me for who I am. Presently I am enjoying the freedom to be me. I feel like I owe it to myself to be my own responsibility and to trust God and human beings with this answer.”
You got it. You have the answer to your first query in your second statement. That person who will truly love the real you...has got to be you. It’s one of the benefits of finally actually being a grown up. “Oh, I don’t really need to [modify my behavior] to please you, or you, or you. I can just do what works for me.” (Of course this excludes behaviors that impinge on others, like rudeness, public nudity, noise or smells that are perceptible to others....)
“What do I do to reach a goal?”
Set the goal, write it down. Write a bunch of smaller steps that will probably need to be done to get to the goal. Add some dates for when to achieve the little steps. Add those dates to a calendar. Review the list every two weeks. Allow yourself to start over...and over, without blame. Revise, review, and repeat. Also, sometimes writing the goal on the calendar in a way-far-in-the-future date can help you. It will also surprise you when you reach that date and find that you are “there,” or your goal has totally changed.
“I received emotional support from a professional and will continue to do so. The emotional support I received was just plain excellent.”
Fabulous, repeat as needed. And, good luck with all your explorations.
[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]
| Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price |
What do you do when life falls short of your dreams, of your poems, of the cleansing power of your tears? How do you let go of your sense of responsibility for your grown children? What do you do to reach your goals? ASK SUSAN!
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