On my walk yesterday morning with my wife and our dog, I asked her what she'd been laughing so hard about before I even got out of bed. The question reminded her what it was and she laughed again before telling me. It was the following passage from Kathy Reichs's novel
Monday Mourning, from her series of thrillers featuring forensic anthropologist Temperance Brennan. This one is set in Montreal:
The man watching us was short and wiry, with yellowed white hair and an elaborate gray mustache. He wore grease-smeared glasses and gold chains around his neck.
Nothing else. Just glasses and chains.
The man's scowl turned to self-satisfaction at the sight of Anne and me backpedaling unsteadily across his porch. Then the expression went fierce again.
"Je suis Catholique!"
My boots slithered and angled on the uneven ice.
Cyr grabbed his penis and waggled it at us.
Beside me, Anne grabbed the railing and made a one-eighty toward the steps.
"Catholique!" the man shouted.
Catholic?
I stopped. I'd seen Harry use the same ploy. Dressed.
"We're not missionaries, Monsieur Cyr."
The scowl wavered, then reaffixed itself.
"And I'm not Pee-wee Herman." The name sounded strange in joual French.
I reached into my purse.
Cyr made a feint at the door. "Get lost!"
I pulled out one of my cards.
"And don't leave none of your damn pamphlets, tabernouche!!"
"We're not with any church."
..."I thought you was Watchtower," said Cyr in English. "Those folks ain't got the common sense God gave a parsnip. But they leave you alone if you're naked.".... [pp. 144-146]
Added Sept. 21:
There is a way you might essay,
To shoo the tabernouche away:
Greet them in the nude,
And maybe, though it's rude,
You'll scare them off to stay.
a testimonial
ReplyDelete"Neither rain nor sleet nor snow nor dogs will stop us JWs from our appointed rounds. But naked householders will stop us in our tracks every time. I only hope this doesn't get around on the blogosphere."
There, Moristotle. Just tryin to help.
Actually, the method is not so foolproof as you imagine. It has happened to my friend Mona, who is both a registered nurse and a quick witted woman. She said: "You don't have anything I haven't seen before!" Though it did probably break the atmosphere. The Lord can't stand naked people.
:)
Anne, in the excerpt, actually displayed the same quick-wittedness. I didn't quote her speech saying that she wasn't intimidated by the threat of Cyr's "dead weapon."
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm working on my own limerick-version of the shooing technique....