By Dawn Story Burke
Last week, I got to emailing with an aunt, an uncle, and a cousin about going to church on Easter. Or, more specifically, about going to church without one's spouse.
My uncle recalled that his father (my grandfather)
rarely went to church...There seemed to be a great deal of animosity between my father's mother and my mother, who told me about my Grandma's shaking a finger at her and saying in a shrill, hateful voice, "You ain't nothing but a holiness!'"—that is, one of those kooky holy rollers...At any rate, my father seemed reluctant to go to church. He gave the impression of not believing any of that "religion stuff."My aunt confirmed that there was animosity between the two women:
Mama really despised Grandma when she was having one of her angry spells....Mama said Grandma did not want Jeff to marry a Holiness person, and told Mama so. That is why Mama would not be called Grandma, but wanted to be called Mama Stella.This reminded me of what I think is true: people don't start out choosing their religion; their parents choose it for them.
My aunt also said that
I quit the Catholic church cause Ray wouldn't get out of bed and help me get the kids ready. I started going to Protestant churches again, all by myself with the kids.And that reminded my cousin, who is now married to a man who attends church with her, that she too "went faithfully by myself and sons for most of my 15-year marriage to Doug [her first husband]. So it is very nice now to have a husband that goes with me."
I have gone to church alone in the past myself; Roger will not go to any church. And who knows? I may go alone again; we have several to choose from.
It's a shame about Mama Stella and Great Grandma's feelings towards each other. Mom has told me about it too, so feelings must have been very strong. It had to have made for a great strain on their relationship.
Religion, Christianity, etc. shouldn't do that to families, but it happens all too often. No one is ever going to agree on everything and if someone loves someone then they need to love them and go on and not judge them.
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Copyright © 2013 by Dawn Burke
| Please comment |
Dawn, nice post.
ReplyDeleteThanks ! Cousin It was a group effort. Hope all is well with you & Ruth !
DeleteAll is well. Winter is dragging on.
DeleteDawn, it is indeed a shame that any difference of belief, religious or otherwise, can split families apart—or split neighbors or colleagues apart for that matter. We see that in politics, perhaps, even more than in religion. So much seems to be riding on politics—so much that makes a difference in our daily lives right now or in the future. (Witness the tendency toward stupid public policy in North Carolina, now that the Republicans have taken control of both the Governor's office and the Legislature.) I don't think that many people feel that religion is nearly as important in that regard, except for people who really, really believe that one's dogmatic believe makes a difference where one will "spend eternity."
ReplyDeleteBut in the case of religion, love certainly ought to be able to overcome differences of belief. The circle of emailers to whom you refer clearly have overcome their differences and are free to converse and "be there" for one another. Good on them!
Dawn, this is a wonderful post. I could not agree more. Thanks for sharing these thoughts. It's also interesting for me to hear more about some of my extended family that I remember my grandmother referring to on occasion.
ReplyDeleteDawn I never knew that is why we called Mama Stella "mama"!
ReplyDeleteSo true about learning our religion from our parents, though our beliefs often change over time...
I am not a believer but do not mind going to church with my (Catholic) husband. I actually kind of like it, other than having to stand up and sit down multiple times. :)
I'm sorry I read this so long after the fact. I really enjoyed it. Thanks, Dawn. Also, I'm glad you attend church with your husband Jennifer. I like the name of your boat.
ReplyDelete