Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

Should I take him back?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I split up with the father of my kids nearly three years ago. We were together for five years before he moved back to Canada. But over the past month or so we have been getting very close again. He’s in an unhappy relationship and wants to move back to give our relationship another go. He cheated on me when we were together, but now I feel that I’m making him cheat on her with me. Am I a fool if I get back with him after all this time apart? I’m really confused about it all. –Cassie Mae

Dear Cassie Mae,
    Yes, I can hear the confusion. Let’s simplify.
    You have known this man for at least eight years. He cheated on YOU. Now he is “cheating” on her. (You are MAKING him cheat? Seriously? If you have that kind of power...please...give us all world peace!) He seems to have a cheating pattern.
    Are you a fool? Nope, you should never use that word for yourself or your children. Him...I dunno. He doesn’t sound like much of a grown-up or a parent to me. What do YOU think of someone who decides that he is done with the relationship he is “sort of” in, but doesn’t state that or leave...he cozies up to who might be the next one while still involved...he never commits!! (Hear the pattern?) He cheats EVERYONE. She is being cheated on, you are being cheated on. Probably his kids are being cheated.
    What to do? Start by having only necessary “co-parent” relations with him. If he is not providing fiscal and intellectual and emotional support to your mutual children, cut him off from communication.
    Begin to work on who you are and who you want to be for yourself and for your children. Give that lots of time and thought. Then, eventually, you will figure out what sort of person might complement and commit to a relationship with those most important people.

[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]

"Eichel"

Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price