It Really Is Simple:
A Holistic Approach
To Self-Confidence
Interviewed by Moristotle
Today’s interview was suggested by my son, contributing editor Geoffrey Dean, who discovered and read Alexandra Dotcheva’s book and was so affected by it that he wrote a testimonial for it, which we published here as a “rave book review.” Geoffrey first approached Alexandra about an interview, and we are both delighted that she agreed to participate, because she is a very busy person.
I formulated some questions for her from reading her website, Holistic Self-Confidence: The Book. I admit that I have not read the book yet, but I hope to soon, especially if I’m given a copy for Christmas or my 80th birthday (next month).
My questions for Alexandra appear in italics:
Alexandra, would you start by telling us briefly who you are and why you took Geoffrey up on his interview suggestion?
Ironically, I am a person who, as you in the US like to say metaphorically, wears many hats while, in reality, I may put a hat on if it’s twenty below freezing outside.
Who are
you? |
Ironically, I am a person who, as you in the US like to say metaphorically, wears many hats while, in reality, I may put a hat on if it’s twenty below freezing outside.
Being pressed by a different type of discomfort, however, I did change hats in terms of careers in 2011 when I officially began my nursing career after having spent twenty-nine years of my productive life as a classical violinist. I then kept adding more hats by becoming a real estate investor in 2014, an options trader in 2017, and an author and holistic confidence coach in 2021, to help those going through doubts and hesitations similar to mine almost fifteen years ago. I integrate my healthcare, nutrition, fitness and martial arts, business, investing, and financial experience into my coaching sessions in order to be of most use to my clients.
I gladly took the interview opportunity because I am convinced that my story can empower people dreaming of expanding their potential to pursue different, non-predetermined paths and improve their lives, should they choose to abandon certain (mostly) self-imposed limitations. I want more people to realize how liberating it is to take responsibility over our choices as grown-ups.
Alexandra, it must have been a hard decision to leave music? How did you make the decision to do it?
Having realized I wasn’t competitive enough in a diminishing classical music market between 2006 and 2008, I felt compelled to explore a field different from music. I figured that I needed to get significantly more creative and learn a whole lot of new, marketable skills if I wanted to survive in this country long term.
Leaving
music... |
Having realized I wasn’t competitive enough in a diminishing classical music market between 2006 and 2008, I felt compelled to explore a field different from music. I figured that I needed to get significantly more creative and learn a whole lot of new, marketable skills if I wanted to survive in this country long term.
I came here from Bulgaria in 2000 with nothing but big hopes. By 2008, I found myself craving a profession that was in high demand without requiring yet another eleven years of college (the time it took to earn my bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees in violin). I eventually ended up recognizing, of course, that professions in high demand entailed the type of work that too many people simply didn’t want to do, which is why the skills involved in such careers were and still are marketable in the first place! But this element of sobriety came years later as I got more nursing experience under my belt.
What a fascinating journey you’re on! Why do you describe your approach to self-confidence (and self-confidence itself, in the title of your website) as “holistic”? What do you mean by that?
Usually, the term “holistic” brings the idea of physical, mental, and spiritual or emotional health to mind. Looking at life in its entirety, health is but one of several aspects when it comes to becoming confident and strong as a whole human being. Health is not the sole challenge people face nowadays, but there are at least four other equally essential components in a person’s life that are intimately connected to health. You can have gaps in one or more of these essential life components and if you do, you are missing out on the holistic concept, which is about acquiring full control over each and every one of these, so you can live life as abundantly and independently as possible.
What are “the five essential aspects or pillars of life”? Why are they essential? What other aspects or pillars of life should a person address?
I look at life from five angles: health, spirituality, career, finances, and relationships and treat these elements as intimately connected in each and every one of us. This approach may seem complex at a glance, but it actually simplifies everything because it helps get your affairs organized by striving to be in control of these five basics and thus stay in the driver’s seat of your life at all times. It means you become an expert of your life.
Wow – that does seem empowering! I can see why Geoffrey raved about your book. What is the difference between an “argument” and an “excuse”?
An argument is a legitimate reason that defines a longer-term or temporary obstacle to the completion of one’s goals, whereas an excuse is a convenient justification for continuing to exist as a mediocre human being, no matter the life aspect involved. We are excellent at creating excuses everywhere we go and in all areas of our lives.
How hard do your clients find it to give up their excuses and face the facts?
I believe it is just as hard for them as it was for me for the longest time, Morris. It truly is a work in progress. The more goals you put in front of yourself and the more challenges you encounter while pursuing these goals, the more opportunities come your way for creating new excuses or finding new and better solutions, and it is a continuous choice (or internal war) as to whether we keep going by crafting solutions or give up by disintegrating into excuses. Indolence of mind has not spared anyone from its insistence on finding its way to our minds, as workaholism is not at the foundation of human nature, I am afraid.
Besides your main goal of helping individuals free themselves from slavery to systems “ultimately geared towards benefiting a select few,” how can such systems be reformed? What reformations might you yourself be working toward?
There is an uncomplicated and chronically underappreciated answer to this question. We’re so tempted to tell everyone else what to do or not to do, entangled into and blinded by our desire to get to be the “ones” to change the world. But how would we ever change anything or anyone if we don’t change ourselves first? How good are we at addressing the old truth of being often bothered by seeing in others what we mostly can’t stand in ourselves? Treating ourselves with integrity is the hardest task, after all. I constantly work on my time-management skills and lifelong learning in order to prevent myself from becoming complacent.
What philosophers or “gurus” have most influenced your thinking about personal growth? For example, Anthony Robbins?
My violin teacher in the US, Professor Kevork Mardirossian, is a lasting inspiration. Every great teacher has a philosophy. He was among the rare people I knew at the time who maintained that a person could grow and improve at any age if they keep asking more of themselves. Later on, I was also influenced by successful entrepreneurs and authors like Earl Nightingale, Napoleon Hill, Robert Kiyosaki, Robert Allen, and Jack Canfield, to name just a few.
Usually, the term “holistic” brings the idea of physical, mental, and spiritual or emotional health to mind. Looking at life in its entirety, health is but one of several aspects when it comes to becoming confident and strong as a whole human being. Health is not the sole challenge people face nowadays, but there are at least four other equally essential components in a person’s life that are intimately connected to health. You can have gaps in one or more of these essential life components and if you do, you are missing out on the holistic concept, which is about acquiring full control over each and every one of these, so you can live life as abundantly and independently as possible.
What are “the five essential aspects or pillars of life”? Why are they essential? What other aspects or pillars of life should a person address?
I look at life from five angles: health, spirituality, career, finances, and relationships and treat these elements as intimately connected in each and every one of us. This approach may seem complex at a glance, but it actually simplifies everything because it helps get your affairs organized by striving to be in control of these five basics and thus stay in the driver’s seat of your life at all times. It means you become an expert of your life.
“Argument”?
“Excuse”? |
An argument is a legitimate reason that defines a longer-term or temporary obstacle to the completion of one’s goals, whereas an excuse is a convenient justification for continuing to exist as a mediocre human being, no matter the life aspect involved. We are excellent at creating excuses everywhere we go and in all areas of our lives.
How hard do your clients find it to give up their excuses and face the facts?
I believe it is just as hard for them as it was for me for the longest time, Morris. It truly is a work in progress. The more goals you put in front of yourself and the more challenges you encounter while pursuing these goals, the more opportunities come your way for creating new excuses or finding new and better solutions, and it is a continuous choice (or internal war) as to whether we keep going by crafting solutions or give up by disintegrating into excuses. Indolence of mind has not spared anyone from its insistence on finding its way to our minds, as workaholism is not at the foundation of human nature, I am afraid.
Besides your main goal of helping individuals free themselves from slavery to systems “ultimately geared towards benefiting a select few,” how can such systems be reformed? What reformations might you yourself be working toward?
There is an uncomplicated and chronically underappreciated answer to this question. We’re so tempted to tell everyone else what to do or not to do, entangled into and blinded by our desire to get to be the “ones” to change the world. But how would we ever change anything or anyone if we don’t change ourselves first? How good are we at addressing the old truth of being often bothered by seeing in others what we mostly can’t stand in ourselves? Treating ourselves with integrity is the hardest task, after all. I constantly work on my time-management skills and lifelong learning in order to prevent myself from becoming complacent.
Any “gurus”? |
My violin teacher in the US, Professor Kevork Mardirossian, is a lasting inspiration. Every great teacher has a philosophy. He was among the rare people I knew at the time who maintained that a person could grow and improve at any age if they keep asking more of themselves. Later on, I was also influenced by successful entrepreneurs and authors like Earl Nightingale, Napoleon Hill, Robert Kiyosaki, Robert Allen, and Jack Canfield, to name just a few.
Not less importantly, two of my martial arts teachers – Hanshi Greg Tearney and Hanshi Judy Modafferi Tearney – taught me perseverance not only during the grueling dojo routines, but also its application in real life, which was by far the harder part to learn. But once the idea that the real dojo is called life finally clicked in my mind, I was able to connect the dots and make everything work the way I had wanted. I would not be the person I am today without my twelve-year martial arts experience.
In your growing experience with coaching, what two or three mind-sets most weigh on your clients?
I can give you at least ten, but will limit myself to just five here: reluctance to set specific and measurable goals, fear of judgment, fear of failure as expressed through procrastination and/or inaction, comparing themselves to the wrong people for all the wrong reasons, and fear of taking calculated risks. It’s a wicked circle.
How have your coaching experiences led you to modify your thinking and your approach to coaching?
It surely has sharpened my attention to detail in terms of me getting a good picture of a client’s current situation and then being able to hold them accountable in a way that would help them appreciate the value of practicing personal integrity and self-respect at all times.
In your growing experience with coaching, what two or three mind-sets most weigh on your clients?
I can give you at least ten, but will limit myself to just five here: reluctance to set specific and measurable goals, fear of judgment, fear of failure as expressed through procrastination and/or inaction, comparing themselves to the wrong people for all the wrong reasons, and fear of taking calculated risks. It’s a wicked circle.
Your coaching
experiences... |
It surely has sharpened my attention to detail in terms of me getting a good picture of a client’s current situation and then being able to hold them accountable in a way that would help them appreciate the value of practicing personal integrity and self-respect at all times.
As a nurse, I have to be prepared by reviewing a patient’s individual medical history before I meet the patient in their home. I then strive to learn the specific circumstances of their life, as pertaining to the health problems we are treating. It is not different with clients who desire to bring their entire lives to a higher level; I just have to pay close attention to their perception of a higher level so we can explore the opportunities, action steps, and consequences together.
In your coaching, how often does religion emerge as an obstacle or limiting factor in people’s lives? What advice do you offer them regarding religion?
It has not been an obstacle so far, because a motivated person will not let religion get in the way of life improvement, as long as they are committed to better their lives in legal, ethical, and moral ways. We agree that being or not being religious will not guarantee that you are a good or a bad person, because the responsibility for the conscious choice of your actions is ultimately yours, whether you call yourself religious, atheist, spiritual, or agnostic.
To what extent are clients’ choices of associates influenced by their political leanings? How do you help those whose political leanings affect them adversely?
Most people I work with are already at a point where they’ve realized that a big part of their life quality lies in their hands and can be influenced by their own decisions. With political leanings, as with religion, it often boils down to whether they wish to rely or depend on somebody to solve their problems or they’re willing to take full responsibility over their future instead. Relying on a higher power or on a powerful political group (or both) to sustain you in one or more ways will ultimately lead to disappointment if this is all you’re counting on. I’d prefer that they become disillusioned and face reality sooner rather than later.
In your coaching, how often does religion emerge as an obstacle or limiting factor in people’s lives? What advice do you offer them regarding religion?
It has not been an obstacle so far, because a motivated person will not let religion get in the way of life improvement, as long as they are committed to better their lives in legal, ethical, and moral ways. We agree that being or not being religious will not guarantee that you are a good or a bad person, because the responsibility for the conscious choice of your actions is ultimately yours, whether you call yourself religious, atheist, spiritual, or agnostic.
To what extent are clients’ choices of associates influenced by their political leanings? How do you help those whose political leanings affect them adversely?
Most people I work with are already at a point where they’ve realized that a big part of their life quality lies in their hands and can be influenced by their own decisions. With political leanings, as with religion, it often boils down to whether they wish to rely or depend on somebody to solve their problems or they’re willing to take full responsibility over their future instead. Relying on a higher power or on a powerful political group (or both) to sustain you in one or more ways will ultimately lead to disappointment if this is all you’re counting on. I’d prefer that they become disillusioned and face reality sooner rather than later.
My clients frequently appreciate the fact that I am neither religious nor in favor of any political party, due to the massive corruption in organized religion and on both ends of the political spectrum.
How young or old are your clients? How close has the oldest come to my age (80 next month)?
Initially, the ideal clients seemed to be people at a crossroads in life or going through midlife crisis. Say, individuals in the early thirties through mid-fifties age range. What transpired from the events in the last two years, though, was that a growing number of younger people, having to seek success in a fast-changing economic environment and face more instability than my generation or the generation prior to mine had to deal with, could also take advantage of the concepts in this holistic method. I believe my youngest mentee was twenty-two years old and my oldest so far – fifty-six.
If someone my age approached you for coaching, would he or see be offered a senior discount? That’s a joke, Alexandra, by way of saying that I feel confident you could probably help me become more productive than I think I already am, if I enrolled with you.
How young or old are your clients? How close has the oldest come to my age (80 next month)?
Initially, the ideal clients seemed to be people at a crossroads in life or going through midlife crisis. Say, individuals in the early thirties through mid-fifties age range. What transpired from the events in the last two years, though, was that a growing number of younger people, having to seek success in a fast-changing economic environment and face more instability than my generation or the generation prior to mine had to deal with, could also take advantage of the concepts in this holistic method. I believe my youngest mentee was twenty-two years old and my oldest so far – fifty-six.
Any new
life goals yourself? |
What recently conceived new life goals are you working on?
I am currently working on developing my YouTube channel and in the process of recording videos, which I will soon begin releasing. I want to make it easier for potential clients to get to know me by giving them yet another option to better familiarize themselves with my work, if they’d rather watch and listen to videos than read my blog before they opt to purchase my book or sign in for coaching. Everyone absorbs information differently. The videos should give the audience a good idea as to what to expect from me during coaching sessions.
Who are your own mentors?
Over the years and for varying periods, Robert and Kim Kiyosaki, Chris LeCheminant, Andy Tanner, and recently Dr. Allen Lycka, along with a few others, such as an amazing neighbor and friend investor of eight years, Greg Rodgers, because I strive to learn whenever I can from anybody whom I find motivating or inspiring.
Alexandra, what questions might you have been hoping I’d ask, but didn’t ask? How would you answer them?
Question: How does a person know for certain that he or she is ready for a change in life?
My answer would be: I knew it about myself in 2008 when I felt tired and disgusted with my complacency and fake comfort zone at the time. The awakening came from the realization that the comfort was false and rooted in desperation. I tell people that “ready” is a deceitful idea, because it is rarely the case. Nobody is ever ready to turn a life upside down. But the most successful and accomplished individuals are who they are today because they took action despite fear and insecurity.
Alexandra, thank you, thank you, for taking the time to do this interview. It has been my privilege and pleasure, and I want you to know that I feel my life has already been enriched by my acquaintance with you.
It was my honor and pleasure to be given the opportunity to contribute to your outstanding blog, Morris. Thank you for having me as a guest!
I am currently working on developing my YouTube channel and in the process of recording videos, which I will soon begin releasing. I want to make it easier for potential clients to get to know me by giving them yet another option to better familiarize themselves with my work, if they’d rather watch and listen to videos than read my blog before they opt to purchase my book or sign in for coaching. Everyone absorbs information differently. The videos should give the audience a good idea as to what to expect from me during coaching sessions.
Who are your own mentors?
Over the years and for varying periods, Robert and Kim Kiyosaki, Chris LeCheminant, Andy Tanner, and recently Dr. Allen Lycka, along with a few others, such as an amazing neighbor and friend investor of eight years, Greg Rodgers, because I strive to learn whenever I can from anybody whom I find motivating or inspiring.
Questions
you hoped I’d ask? |
Question: How does a person know for certain that he or she is ready for a change in life?
My answer would be: I knew it about myself in 2008 when I felt tired and disgusted with my complacency and fake comfort zone at the time. The awakening came from the realization that the comfort was false and rooted in desperation. I tell people that “ready” is a deceitful idea, because it is rarely the case. Nobody is ever ready to turn a life upside down. But the most successful and accomplished individuals are who they are today because they took action despite fear and insecurity.
Alexandra, thank you, thank you, for taking the time to do this interview. It has been my privilege and pleasure, and I want you to know that I feel my life has already been enriched by my acquaintance with you.
It was my honor and pleasure to be given the opportunity to contribute to your outstanding blog, Morris. Thank you for having me as a guest!
| Copyright © 2022 by Alexandra Dotcheva & Moristotle |
Although I communicated with Alexandra Dotcheva only "virtually" (the interview was conducted via email), I found her presence powerful. In person, face-to-face, her charisma must be even more striking. It might be worth becoming one of her coaching clients just to make interchange a bit less virtual. And there's always her videos on her YouTube channel, when she's got that up and running....
ReplyDeleteAnd yesterday, just going over in my mind her five essential pillars, I had a personal insight into my own faring in the world, and I felt a nudge to improve my life by focusing on one of the pillars a bit more than I have….
For the privilege of interviewing Alexandra, for the joy of her presence (virtual or not), and for "nudging" me to improve my own life, I am deeply thankful.