Fish for Friday

Edited by Morris Dean

[Anonymous selections from recent correspondence]

Limerick for Valentine's Day:

For this special day, will you be our Valentine?
Come on over; we'll have Paul's vegan galantine¹,
    give thanks we're not geriatric,
    wassail our footnote hat-trick²,
and gift the girls their very own ballantine³.

1. A dish of white meat or fish that is boned, cooked, pressed, and served cold in aspic.
2. The achievement of a positive feat three times or more during a game [including the writing of a limerick].
3. A small bag or purse.

With a special thought for our capital-V Valentine, Southern Writer Lesia.

"How Private Companies Are Profiting From Threats To Jail The Poor" Excerpt:

In one Georgia instance documented in an extensive new Human Rights Watch report, a man who stole a $2 can of beer ended up in jail for failure to pay a $200 fine that ballooned into more than $1,000 under the supervision of a private probation firm. Thomas Barrett’s entire income &ndash: which included selling his own blood plasma – was less than the monthly fee imposed by the private probation firm.
    In Mississippi, a woman who had paid off her entire $377 fine for driving without a license was being threatened with arrest for failure to pay so-called “supervision fees” being charged by a private probation firm. Court officials told Human Rights Watch the firm had no authority to threaten arrest.
    In Alabama, judges have enforced the threats of probation companies to impose jail time for those who fees and fines that piled up from private probation.

"Meet the psychologist who got a teen off with probation because he was rich" Excerpt:

Back in September, Ethan Couch, a 16-year-old from Burleson, Texas; caused a grisly accident that killed four people and injured 10 others. He had a blood-alcohol content three times the legal limit. And yet, he got 10 years probation rather than the 20 years in prison that prosecutors were seeking, along with a berth in a posh treatment facility that costs $450,000 – a bill that his family will pay. Why? Psychologist G. Dick Miller, who was hired as an expert by Couch's defense team, convinced a judge that Couch lived a life of privilege in which he was never instilled with a sense of right and wrong – something that merited treatment, not jail time.

It isn't often that one anecdote will inspire me to buy a book, but this NPR author interview hooked me: "Why Confounding Coincidences Happen Every Day." The story of Anthony Hopkins being hired for a role in a movie, then not being able to find a copy of the book it is based on in any London bookstore, then finding a lost copy of the book on the "tube" on his way home, and then finding the book was lost by the author several months earlier, seems too far beyond the realm of statistical probability to be mere coincidence. So, for me at least, it makes The Improbability Principle: Why Coincidences, Miracles, and Rare Events Happen Every Day, by statistician David Hand, a must read.

Whoa, boy! "Misclick Leads to Christian Organization Pulling Ads Off Rush Limbaugh."

Pavlov was enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rang. He jumped up and shouted: “Ooh, I forgot to feed the dog!"

There are 10 types of people in this world. Those that know binary, and those that don’t.

Want to "Chat With a Mormons about Christianity"?

Settlers arriving in Utah

Amazements of the Human Body:
    The three things pregnant women dream most of during their first trimester are frogs, worms, and potted plants. Scientists have no idea why this is so, but attribute it to the growing imbalance of hormones in the body during pregnancy.
    The life span of a human hair is 3 to 7 years on average. Every day the average person loses 60-100 strands of hair. But don't worry, you must lose over 50% of your scalp hairs before it is apparent to anyone.
    The human brain cell can hold five times as much information as an encyclopedia. Your brain uses 20% of the oxygen that enters your bloodstream, and is itself made up of 80% water. Though it interprets pain signals from the rest of the body, the brain itself cannot feel pain.
    The tooth is the only part of the human body that can't repair itself.
    Your eyes are always the same size from birth but your nose and ears never stop growing.

It has been proved that when the guns are taken away from citizens the criminals take over. If there was a way to take guns away from everyone including the criminals then I would be for it, but that is not going to happen!

The barman says: “We don’t serve faster-than-light particles here.” A tachyon enters the bar.

The One Comic That Explains Just How Screwed America Is

Hitler wants to ski pow at Vail:

I recently went for a consultation with my new doctor:

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually.
    Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one.. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?
Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.
Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!
    Well...I hope this clear up any misconception you had about food and diet.
    Remember, life should NOT be journey to grave with intention arrive safely in attractive, well-preserved body. Skid in sideways – rice wine in one hand – chocolate in other – body used up, worn out, and screaming, "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"
    AND for those who watch what they eat, here's final word on nutrition and health:

1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer less heart attacks than Americans.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer less heart attacks than Americans.
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer less heart attacks than Americans.
4. Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer less heart attacks than Americans...
5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer less heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English what kills you.

When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like OMg!.

Limerick of the Week:

Her belief that Jesus rose from dead's so knit,
so deeply felt and thought, she's sure she knows it,
    but others doubt so strong,
    they hardly think they're wrong,
and they're sure they've arguments to show it.

_______________
Copyright © 2014 by Morris Dean

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