By Victor L. Midyett
I believe that throughout our entire life, no matter how many birthdays we have, life offers us opportunities to change and grow.
Have you ever said something to someone and been totally taken aback and surprised at their reaction, or “come back,” to the point that you were left wondering, Where did that come from?
I have observed over the years that people react this way for two main and opposite reasons. It is either because of the truth or a lie.
First, consider getting caught in a lie. (Tone it down if you wish and call it a fib, but let’s be honest: it is still a lie.) Generally in sports and in war, it is accepted that the best defense is a strong offense. When caught in a lie, some people will go on the offensive and slam the other person in a personal way that usually has nothing to do with the original subject matter (or with what the other person said). The slam can then start a completely separate branch of argument, if it is allowed to continue – if neither person is willing to shut up.
My personal conclusion is that defending oneself by going on the offensive serves no constructive purpose other than to create a diversion.
Second, being told a truth can have the same result when the person being told it isn’t willing to accept it. Rejected truths about ourselves are involved in every piece of “baggage” we have carried since a young age.
Picture little Johnny with chocolate icing and crumbs all around his mouth when his mom asks, “Johnny, did you eat my chocolate cake?” With learned confidence and hopeful defiance he loudly replies, “No!”
This, in my lay opinion, is a false defensive posture that actually hinders little Johnny’s (or our own) growth and development into a maturing, loving, and caring human being. If someone else makes a constructive comment about us that we are not willing to consider, let alone accept, we tend to lash out in a manner that may surprise the other person – and even perhaps ourselves. Does it change the truth? I think not.
I have said this before, and I say it again: Truth does not alter according to our willingness to accept it. [The original post about this principle, “Truth: It does not alter,” was published on November 3, 2015.]
I challenge us all to consider and ask ourselves this: Am I willing to be truthful with myself in pursuit of my own healthy growth and fulfilment as an effective and loving human being?
Our communications and meaningful interactions in society will surely be so much better served if we do, don’t you think?
Caution: This “revisitation” stemmed from an altercation that arose between offspring and has nothing whatsoever to do with our current political environment.
| Copyright © 2018 by Victor L. Midyett |
The day after I scheduled this column for publication, I read an article about the philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein that immediately reminded me of what Vic had written. In “Wittgenstein’s Confession,” Jonathan Beale writes that “Like Socrates, [Wittgenstein] knew that being honest with oneself is the most philosophical act of all” [NY Times, September 18]. I sent the link to Vic, who wrote back:
ReplyDeleteOh yes, oh yes! Thanks for this. I am totally honored you thought of this article in light of my piece. I enjoyed it very much. The following captures my main motivation for writing my piece – that Wittgenstein saw his dishonesty toward others as dishonesty toward himself.
And I was struck by Wittgenstein’s writing that philosophy’s difficulty lies “with the will, rather than with the intellect.”
And struck by his finding it difficult to recognize that he had been behaving “in a character that was not genuine...because he hadn’t the will.” To escape self-deception Wittgenstein needed to do “something that needed courage.”
And, finally, struck by his “Nothing is so difficult as not deceiving oneself.”
Another Great Article Vic. The Truth does Hurt many times, but I still prefer that over a lie. I really hate being Lied to, and even though it does not make me dislike the person, it does make me prefer to not talk to them. I have broken many ties in the past few years over such behavior and I must say Life is Easier and Happier.
ReplyDeleteMorris, I thank you very much for adding in the bits you did. And Vickie, I sure appreciate your comments.
ReplyDeleteVic, I know that your revisited essay was not motivated as a comment on politics. However, given the timing of its publication with the vote of the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee to send Brett Kavanaugh’s nomination for a seat on the Supreme Court on to the Senate for a vote, one can hardly keep from wondering whether what you say about a person’s reaction to being caught in a lie has any applicability to what we have been witnessing. It is obvious that someone (a number of people involved in the proceedings) were lying and are continuing to lie, because of the diametrically opposed allegations involved.
ReplyDeleteAssuming that you have been following the proceedings at all, did you notice any reactions that seemed particularly indicative that the individual reacting had been caught in a lie?
Extremely insightful Vic. I too feel that in most cases there is a Truth, capital "T", beyond the arguments brought by those with an emotional dog in the fight. The most difficult honesty is that we must have with ourselves.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely Roger. Self honesty and self accountability, I believe, are life's most difficult lessons. I thank you very much for your input.
ReplyDeleteMorris yes, I have been following the political cesspool and still have no desire to 'get into it'.
With my article in mind, I will say this - There are only two people who KNOW the truth, the accused and the accuser. The rest of us CHOOSE to believe which side we want to and ALL of 'the rest of us' in doing so are simply pissing up wind.
ReplyDeleteWhom do you think more believable, Vic?
DeleteThat would be CHOOSING sides with my personal SPECULATION and bias, which is mine alone. And my boots are already wet.
ReplyDeleteYou are an immensely self-disciplined man. Brett Kavanaugh might have profited from your example.
DeleteHmm... are we sitting on a new "diversion branch" now with what could be perceived as a personal slam?
Delete