Be Happy

It’s your choice

By Sharon Stoner

[Editor’s Note: Readers need to know where Sharon is coming from, in order to understand that her advice was hard won and does not come from a place of comfort and ease. Sharon has experienced much pain and suffering. I asked her three days ago how her hands and kidneys were doing.
    Both of her hands need surgery to reposition tendons. One operation would be done at a time, with a six-month recovery for each, during which, for at least three weeks, she would be unable to feed, bathe, or dress herself, or drive or do all of the chores involved for her little dog Timmy and her cats. But she says she doesn’t plan to have the surgeries — even though it is getting difficult to hold onto the steering wheel, and even holding her phone is extremely painful — because she can’t bring herself to ask for this kind of help. She says, “I ignore the pain and do what needs to be done. I am careful not to show the pain evident on my face or in my actions.”
    She said the condition of her kidneys has graduated to Stage 4. She isn’t in dialysis, but she has been given a new prescription for meds.
    And then she described what had happened to her only the day before: She was standing holding Timmy when she fell face-down in her bedroom, instinctively reaching out her hands and, in doing so, dropping Timmy. She fell against his stairsteps, which she said was fortunate for her, because if she had fallen over on her side, it could have triggered the vertigo that she is subject to. For long minutes after falling, she couldn’t move her legs, her wrists felt sprained, and she was thinking there needed to be a camera to record another TV commercial of a woman saying, “Help! I’ve fallen and can’t get up!” It took her 45 minutes, using her elbows, to pull herself up and alert her neighbor. “Of course, the neighbor wants to take me to ER, but I say, no, take us to the veterinarian — I was afraid I’d fallen on Timmy. But it turned out he was just scared.”
    I commiserated with her, told her that her condition sounded dreadful, awful to me, and that I was so sorry for her suffering. In response, she wrote the brave-spirited paragraphs below, and agreed to let me share them with you.]

I’m not a particularly religious person, but I have read the Bible from front to back five or six times in several translations, and I have come to the conclusion that Heaven and Hell are real but they are what people make of their existence on this Earth. Reading news, watching news on the net and TV, I see the Hell that many have made of their lives, pitying themselves and blaming other people for their mistakes and misery.
    I believe that everyone can change their lives, with determination and hard work. We know many people who had little money but worked to build a successful business or make their way through college, winning scholarships, taking out loans. These people pulled themselves up from their earthly Hell to find happiness and peace of mind. They have made their own Heaven right here, even if they don’t look at it that way.
    I myself climbed out of the Hell of physical and psychological abuse I was in and changed my life. I do not moan and bitch about the Hell I was in; I am where I am now because of the path I took. My life isn’t perfect, but special friends who might have been lost to me were found again, and I am content with what I have, with the friends and the family I have.
    I could lay around and feel sorry for myself and constantly complain about my physical problems and sometimes wracking pain, but I choose to ignore them and simply live my life to the fullest – doing things I can do, going places I am able to, helping others however I can. I consult with doctors, take the prescribed meds, do the recommended therapeutic interventions – I do all that’s recommended – but I ignore the pain and carry on. Life is what we make it, and I choose to be happy. Let go of those thoughts that hold you down.
    The first few years of my employment I hated the job and I was miserable. I stood in front of a mirror and asked myself why I disliked my job. My insecurity, afraid of making mistakes, not staying at home with my babies? I was making myself miserable. Should I quit the job or change how I felt about it? I chose to change, and I came to love my job and hated to retire when the time came.
    Everyone can stop, look at themselves and decide to either stay in the same frame of mind or change how they look at people and the world.
    Just do it!

Copyright © 2019 by Sharon Stoner