Life is already sad enough without its sadness's being compounded by "the holiday season." But the season is so entrenched as a traditional practice of wallowing in religiosity, nostalgia, and/or shopping, it isn't going to go away anytime soon.On Thursday at the holiday party where I work, a colleague greeted me with a hearty "Merry Christmas!" and I responded perversely with a less robust "Happy Holidays." We then proceeded to have a longer conversation than I would have expected, not because we got into a discussion about the discrepancy, but I think because the discrepancy made us ill at ease and created a need for us to demonstrate that we could still be friendly, despite it.
At least, it made me ill at ease, since I was the perverse one. I kept thinking about why I'd not just replied in kind and avoided the contretemps, and wondered what she might be thinking about it. (I guess the only way to find out will be to ask her one day—perhaps by sending her a link to this post.)And I've kept thinking about it, and discovered an irony in the way holiday greetings are done. "Merry Christmas" is uttered (or said in greeting cards) by people who "believe in Christmas" (or not) and intend to celebrate it themselves (whether or not they believe in it), regardless of the beliefs or practices of those to whom they utter it.
I replied "Happy Holidays" as a way—ineffective perhaps—of registering that I don't "believe in Christmas" and don't like to celebrate it. But it would actually have been more appropriate for me to tell her "Merry Christmas," since she presumably will celebrate it and would like it to be merry.
And, following that logic, she might better have said "Happy Holidays" to me (assuming that she was aware of my attitude toward Christmas).Except that I don't even like "the holidays," whether religious or commercial, or just sentimental or an excuse to party. Calendar-occasioned conviviality seems false somehow, other-directed1.
Earlier yesterday, I had concluded a response to an email distribution list with:Merry Christmas if you celebrate it, Happy New Year's (if you celebrate that).An if-it-applies qualification might not catch on for party exchanges, but it does suggest a marketing opportunity for greeting card manufacturers.
Good on you in any case.
I wonder whether writing that email before going to the party set me up to respond the way I did to my colleague's greeting. I had, after all, if unconsciously, already begun to think about these seasonal greetings and their appropriateness/inappropriateness—if not enough yet to realize that the conversation with my colleague might have gone better something like this:_______________She opens with, "Merry Christmas!"
"Merry Christmas! But I'm not into Christmas, actually."
"Oh, sorry. Happy Holidays!"
"Thanks, that's better. But I'm not really into the holidays either...."
"Oh, I see. Well, no problem. Hello!"
"Thanks, that'll do."
She reflects, then adds, "They are hectic, though, aren't they? The holidays, Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, Kwanzaa, Yuletide, New Year's...."
"Indeed, what a drag. I'd rather skip the whole month of December."
"I know what you mean."
- Wikipedia's paragraph on sociologist David Riesman's 1950 book, The Lonely Crowd:
...a sociological study of modern conformity, which postulates the existence of the "inner-directed" and "other-directed" personalities. Riesman argues that the character of post WWII American society impels individuals to "other-directedness", the preeminent example being modern suburbia, where individuals seek their neighbors' approval and fear being outcast from their community. This lifestyle has a coercive effect, which compels people to abandon "inner-direction" of their lives, and induces them to take on the goals, ideology, likes, and dislikes of their community. Ironically, this creates a tightly grouped crowd of people that is yet incapable of truly fulfilling each other's desire for companionship. The book is considered a landmark study of American character.
As I write this. I'm watching an excellent dramatization of A Christmas Carol, with George C. Scott. The story was published 166 years ago. It shows us that even in the early years of Victorian England, Christmas was already a secular holiday. Yes, secular; I did not mistype. I, an atheist through and through, celebrate it without a moment's reflection. So do a great many other atheists, and people who find nothing holy about the Jesus Christ.
ReplyDeleteI hope that Christians aren't too upset that this holiday long ago ceased to be their exclusive property. My guess is that their deed of ownership began to lose force as soon as people realized that Christ could much more reasonably be understood as a philosopher and man of virtue than as the Son of God. I'm one of those people. "Good will toward men," one of the values attributed to him, is a value that is dear to me. When I celebrate Christmas, I celebrated this value. ("Peace on earth" is, for me, implied in "good will toward men." If everyone practiced the latter, the former would take care of itself.) I find it delightfully ironic that if "good will toward men" becomes impregnated in our heats, humankind will indeed find a kind of salvation. Just consider what we tried to do in Copenhagen last week and how much our salvation depends on the power of good will to cross religious, national, ethnic, and class boundaries.
As a further proof that Christmas is a secular holiday, consider the trappings of Christmas. To be sure, it is evoked by manger scenes, angels, religious statuary, and carols. They are for Christians. For the rest of us, and for Christians too, there is a vast secular array: Santa Claus, Christmas trees, Christmas cards, colored lights and decorations, brightly wrapped gifts, and endless food treats. And we even have our share of the carols. My favorite is "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas." I'm also fond of "Silver Bells" and "White Christmas," despite the lack of white stuff in San Jose, California. I share the dream.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
Ken, Thanks for that, and also for your lovingly inscribed "Holiday Greetings" card:
ReplyDeleteMore than these gifts [the printed card says "Wishing you the gifts of peace and happiness throughout the Holiday Season and always"], we wish you good health, without which there is little peace or happiness.
I've tried to picture you handwriting that on card after card after card, with some difficulty, because after a few cards even writing such a beautiful note would have to become tedious. So I'm wondering whether you thought of a variation for each card, perhaps inscribing on the last card to be sent something like:
"Wishing you them but with little realistic hope that there'll be any more peace or happiness after the season than there has been the year long. And probably less health, if you overindulged and ate too much and drank too much."
From my daughter, whom I'd asked whether this post was offensive, given that she and her husband will be visiting us "for Christmas and New Year's":
ReplyDeleteHa ha. No, not at all. A Facebook friend posted a rant about people saying happy holidays with the whole "Jesus is the reason for the season" BS. Yeah, right, Christians co-opted festivities that had been going on for centuries. I think today is really the big day (or is it tomorrow?) to celebrate the solstice! I too get sick of this whole season, though we do have a tree up. Celebrating the wonders of nature!
Thank you, dear. Yes, today is the Winter Solstice (as well as your brother's birthday).
I sent my colleague at work a link to the post, so I hope to learn today what she was thinking during that "longer conversation than expected" on Thursday....
For a while I was thinking of sending "Merry Christmas" greetings to various cousins (for example) and others who I know "believe in Christmas" and celebrate it, but then I remembered that even when I thought I believed myself, I gave up sending Christmas cards as a rather futile practice, not authentic somehow. Not to mention expensive. The primary fallacy, to me, is that Jesus's message about loving one another is not a seasonal thing, but a daily thing, and I am "Christian" enough to believe and practice that. To pull the "Peace on Earth" placards out once a year is ludicrous. Besides, there'll be no more peace on earth in January than there was in November.
Ken assured me that his Christmas card inscriptions are rarely repetitions or variations and that the inscription in my card was unique.
ReplyDeleteClearly, Ken sends out his Christmas greetings with care and noble intent, and he enjoys the season—even its music and repeats of Dickens's "Christmas Carol." I might be a happier person if I could get with the spirit myself. Alas, I haven't been able to and continue not to even want to try, despite all of the evidence that my intransigence has become a burden and an embarrassment to me.
I was able yesterday, however, on every occasion of being greeted with "Merry Christmas" or "Have a nice holiday," to just reflect the greeting back and not rock any boats. It was nice.
one of my friends uses "happy Chrisakwanzacha" LOL
ReplyDelete