Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How can I work well with another take-charge person of strong personality?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I’m on a project with someone at work. We both have strong personalities and like to take charge. How can we work together as a team instead of butting heads? –Team Member

Dear Team Member:
    As I have commented before, not everyone is born knowing how to work together. You sound as if you are self-aware, I hope that your project partner is as well. If so, you can be direct about wanting to find a better way to collaborate, rather than simply fighting for control.
    A few suggestions:
    Try suggesting that the two of you go out of the office for a brief private coffee/tea planning session. Any place that is pleasant and won’t have a bunch of other employees around could work. Out of doors can be very comfortable…in some climates. Each of you list your top 5 priorities/concepts for the project in numerical order, and who might be best to handle that piece.
    Example:

1. Still be friends who laugh together when this project is done. (both of us)
2. Have our project [note the use of “our” instead of “my” or “the”] get the highest rating from our supervisor. (both of us)
3. Ensure we beat the deadline, by planning. (“Pam” watch the calendar)
4. Break the box, find a totally new way to get the job done. (“Sally”)
5. Review similar projects done by others from prior years for ideas. (“Pam”)

If you find that you two cannot naturally find the way to make a combined list of who does what, you may need more assistance.
    Look around and see if there is an example of a good team in your office. Talk to them and see what tips they have.
    You might also ask your supervisor for assistance, but be cautious not to negatively comment on your project partner. Perhaps your supervisor can also be clearer about how she thought you two would work together.
    Training in how to collaborate should be offered by your company, but might also be available from local community colleges or online education.
    I like to take charge, but have painfully learned that I need to wait and observe and listen to ensure: that all persons involved can handle me directing them, that I really HAVE a good idea on how this all might work, and that everyone can understand what I suggest they need to accomplish. Those make the bar pretty high, so learning to be collaborative, giving others the room and time to suggest how we do things, and sometimes just shutting my mouth and listening is what is needed.
    And, I did get the Thanksgiving dinner with 20 attendees and 8 cooks to the table all at the same time this year. And they are all still speaking to me.

[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]
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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price

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