Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

What can I do about the bullying my son is being subjected to in our community?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

My 14-year-old son can’t even walk around the neighborhood without kids hurling names at him. He has no contact with these kids and should not be subjected to being bullied when he is doing nothing but walking down the street. He is a prisoner in his own home. It is so bad we are thinking of moving. I want to talk to the parents of these kids, but I am afraid it will make it worse for my son.
    My son has made mistakes and has “issues,” but I don’t want to elaborate. He is good looking, but very quiet. –Concerned Mom

Dear Concerned Mom:
    I agree that talking to the parents might not be your and your son’s best first step.
    And he and you will probably have to be positively proactive about his “past mistakes” and” issues,” even though the bullying is wrong and unfair. You are the first to see and acknowledge a problem...so you wind up with the responsibility for taking positive action to make the community work better.
    Perhaps it is time to get more help for your son and your family, from a school counselor who knows your son, or another counselor or therapist. Local community centers and religious organizations often have some help available. For whatever mistakes he made...he probably needs help moving thru this period. It doesn’t mean he is at fault for this bullying...but he needs understanding of himself and the bullies, in order to have the power to change his situation to positive. Even if the name-calling stops, there might be challenges for this young man to integrate smoothly into school, etc. Best to attempt to help him understand his part in the community now, rather than after more trouble ensues – physical, psychological damage, etc.
    Sounds like your son is not in the same school as the others. But, same or not, the local high school should have some systems in place to help the bullied, and the bullies. Call them.
    Also, it seems that your family is not integrated into this neighborhood? Perhaps one slow way to start to improve matters is for you to make a friend/acquaintance with one of the adult members of one of the local families. This can even be someone who is not the parent of one of the name-callers. Your goal is to expand your friendliness and see if that can spread. Ideally, one friend speaks to another.
    If it seems appropriate, call, visit casually, or write a note and invite a neighbor to tea, cocktails, a backyard barbeque, or whatever you can think of. If there are local events, attend with your son. If there is a local “lets clean the creek” project, you both volunteer. And, see if there is any school or local organization that would intrigue your son: if he has an interest in gardening, or computers...or singing, there might be a group he could join to enhance his knowledge and comfort in the community.
    I hope this is helpful.

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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price

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