Thursday, August 21, 2014

Thor's Day: Biblical guidance

One of the author's favorite scenes,
looking down from Blowing Rock, North Carolina
Thank you, Bible scholars

By Craig Johnson

I'm writing to thank Opinion Page Bible scholars for educating us regarding God's law. I share their wisdom with as many people as possible. For example, when someone defends the homosexual lifestyle, I remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly declares it an abomination. End of debate.
    I need advice from the scholars regarding other Bible laws and how to best follow them. The most urgent are:
  • A friend believes that although eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I disagree. Can scholars settle this?
  • Leviticus 25:44 states that I may own slaves purchased from neighboring nations. A friend insists this does not apply to Canadians. Can scholars clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
  • I want to sell my daughter into slavery, as allowed in Exodus 21:7. In this economy, what do scholars suggest as a fair price for her?
  • A neighbor works on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
  • Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I admit that I wear reading glasses. Must my vision be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
    I know that Opinion Page Bible scholars have studied these issues extensively and can help. Bless them for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Copyright © 2014 by Craig Johnson
Craig Johnson lives in Durham, North Carolina, and frequently writes letters to the editor of the town's Herald-Sun newspaper, where today's column appeared on August 4.


  1. Picking and choosing the Bible Laws that make your flock happy is what makes a good preacher.

  2. We should be SO GRATEFUL to the many Bible scholars who use the opinion pages to enlighten us and straighten us out on things like how to treat homosexuals, owning slaves, and refraining from forbidden activities on the sabbath. Thank you, Craig Johnson, for thanking them for us!

  3. Satirical as this may be, I think Craig and any others who are still having their field day with the scrolls of Levitical law would benefit from reading Paul Copan's "Is God a Moral Monster?" It's only about $10 online (, which I think would more than compensate for two-cent commentaries that do little else but expose the "I care, but not enough to do any reading of historical and cultural context" mentality behind them.

    1. Kyle, are you recommending Copan to Mr. Johnson, or to the "Bible scholars" who shake the Bible at us on those opinion pages?

  4. I think both parties would benefit from the reading.