Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

What can I do about this copycat?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I have a friend who copies every move I make, yet she criticizes me to my face and to others.
    She copies the way I dress, the way I decorate my place, the music I’m into, and now she says she’s going to look into following the same career path. I wouldn’t mind so much if she acknowledged that she admired me and wanted to be like me but, instead, she always puts me down and gossips about me to our friends.
    I can only imagine that she’s unaware that she copies me so much or has deluded herself that she’s come up with all these interests herself. I can’t fully axe her from my life because we have several mutual friends, but it’s driving me crazy to have such a mean person in my life. –Copied

Dear Copied,
    Yeah, SAYS yes to your face and no to friends and DOES exactly what you do. Listen to what people SAY. Judge them by what they DO. A challenge indeed.
    She sounds insecure (duh!). Your friends who listen and then repeat...also quite wonderful. You cannot expect to fix or improve any of them.
    You have options – always!

• You can be yourself and nice, because unless bodily threatened, we always want to model the behavior we wish to receive. She will do what she will do. You will continue to live your life as you wish. Copycats are sort of flattering? Let it ride.
• Or, you can take some quiet time and talk to her, in private. Ask her why she is choosing such similar stuff? And why she told X about Y. And start a horrible storm of who said what to whom. If these folks are all somewhat immature, as I imagine they might be, a direct approach will just cause them to storm and yell. Or, it might just help her to see how her behavior and negative speech is perceived.
• Or, you can simply continue to live your life and quietly, firmly, ignore her gossip, criticism, and actions that mirror you. If she is mean then you need to calmly distance yourself from her and anyone that is “playing with” her. These aren’t the adults you want around you?

    Good luck.

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Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price