Senate Republicans meet in secrecy to address their President’s mental instability

Satire in the style of Andy Borowitz

By Moristotle

A handful of Republican Senators met behind barred doors this week to detail their plan to contain President Trump, remove his access to weapons, and have him evaluated.
    By the side of Senator Mitch McConnell sat Dr. Brandy Lee, a forensic psychiatrist from the Yale School of Medicine, whom he had called in to advise them.
    Mr. McConnell introduced Dr. Lee as the editor of “The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President.” He explained that she came to his attention because of that report. “And the 27 psychiatrists are supported by a much larger number of concerned mental health professionals,” he said. “They warn against the dangers posed by Mr. Trump’s psychological instability, and they have been calling for an urgent evaluation of the president.”
    Dr. Lee explained that the medical standard of care for treating people who are dangerous “calls for carrying out a routine process of containment, removal from access to weapons and an urgent evaluation.”
    Mr. McConnell reiterated the difficulty of implementing this standard of care in the case of Mr. Trump. “He’s the president,” he reminded everyone. “But the power of the presidency and the type of arsenal he has access to should raise greater alarm, not less,” Mr. McConnell went on.
    “Our challenge,” he said, “is to find a Constitutional precedent for having a president evaluated. That’s why I invited Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch to come join us this evening.
    “Unfortunately, he pointed out that Constitutional checks and balances prevented him from attending. But he assured me that he has already had his law clerks looking into the matter, and, if we promise not to tell anybody, he’ll send one of them over at midnight to tell us how we can do this.”

Copyright © 2017 by Moristotle