Dear Santa, I must confess, this electronic form of communication is very convenient and a real boon to those who put off making their Christmas Wish List until the very last minute. And yes, I do realize it is the very last minute, but I know you will do your level best. This Christmas:
I want a full-frame DSLR, not because I really need one or even want one so much, it’s just that I feel like such an amateur with my crop-sensor camera. I mean seriously, it’s a point ’n shoot that can change lenses. Used with a low shutter count is okay.
I want to finish a project this year. I know that sounds more like a New Year’s Resolution, but those things never work, so I figured I’d give you a shot. There are so many to choose from – finish that Vari-Tone switch, build that telescope mount, figure out how to use that other telescope mount, get the drip sprinklers to work, finally come up with a replacement for my Loneleiest Liberal nom de plume....Maybe you could leave a hint in my stocking as to which one I should attempt first.
I want all my fellow Marines to admit what a horrible choice they made on November 8th of 2016. It’s been a year, the verdict is in, our 45th President is a disaster. And more to the point for my fellow Marines that I served with, President Trump is someone none of us would ever have wanted work with when we were in uniform – the guy can’t take a joke!
I want my students for next semester’s class to arrive, first day, with material selected and memorized. That’s a tall order, but Christmas Wish Lists are for just such an ask. I mean, where would the Lifetime Movie Channel be without Christmas wishes that have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever happening?
I want some clarity about whether I should purchase a mini-van again. Do I need another mini-van? Maybe. I just think they’re the most practical platform out there and they were on their way to conquering the American roads until Arnold Schwarzenegger had to have a Humvee, sparking an SUV craze that we still haven’t recovered from. Thanks a lot, Arnold. Anywho, if you run across a low-mileage, second-generation, KIA Sedona (or rebadged Hyundai Entourage) that’s had a recent valve adjustment, you can just put it under the tree, by the curb.
I want to know what my cat wants! Food? Go outside? Come inside? What do you want?!?!?!?!
Now that the AMA has decided that sugar, not fat, is the real problem, I want a sugar substitute. No, not a substitute, because there is no substitute for the real thing and anyone who thinks otherwise needs a taste-bud implant. I guess I’m looking for a replacement. Alternative?
I want more rain here in California. We just got some, but it really was just some. And while we’re on that topic, I want people here in the Golden State to understand that we don’t have as much water as we used to and in the future we’re going to have less than we do now. Just sayin’.
I want a variation on an annual request, world peace. I know world peace isn’t realistic, but maybe World Wide Web peace? Especially Facebook, let’s go back to the good ol’ days when the only thing people posted was pictures of their food. And come to think of it, that’s a pretty good standard for knowing what to post. If you don’t know as much about what you’re going to post as you do about your food, don’t post it. And I’m talking locally-sourced, fair-trade, hipster bistro knowledge, just the basics – meat, starch, vegetable, dessert kinda thing. Most people just re-post some drivel that got passed along to them by someone who believes in chemtrails and the Tooth Fairy. Honestly, Santa, who does that guy think he is?
I want people to learn the lesson that I’m starting to appreciate, that there is something greater than ourselves, and I want to do a better job of implementing that in my daily life.
I want the Miami Dolphins to draft the next Tom Brady next spring, because I was eight years old the last time they won a Super Bowl and that is too damn long!
I want everyone to have a Merry Christmas. Everyone.
| Copyright © 2017 by James Knudsen |
Merry Christmas to you, James.
ReplyDeleteand to both and all of you.
ReplyDeleteMerry Christmas all around! Thank you, James, for this really special treat. You write so well; I find myself occasionally imitating your style, without consciously trying.
ReplyDeleteI would like to learn more about your concept, as it evolves, of “something greater than ourselves.”