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Saturday, May 19, 2018

Leaked “Fox & Friends Access” tape reveals Trump’s proof that the mainstream media peddle “fake news”

Satire in the style of Andy Borowitz

By Moristotle

Donald Trump met with friends Steve Doocy, Ainsley Earhardt, and Brian Kilmeade at Fox on May 12 for a program on the lesser news media, particularly CNN, CBS, the NY Times, and the Washington Post. The show had been scheduled to air that weekend but was scratched after someone realized that Trump had divulged a secret that, if it became known, would enable the lesser media to wiggle away from his “fake news” label.
    Steve asked Ainsley Earhardt to destroy the video, but, miffed by their friend’s allusion to his 2005 conversation with Billy Bush about what a star like him can do to women, she sent the video to a friend at CNN. Well, you know how that “friend of a friend” thing can go – on Tuesday the Washington Post published the video.
    The allusion that disturbed Ainsley seems to have been the following statement: “When you’re the biggest star, like me, the media let you say anything. I don’t even wait. You can tell them anything. Grab them by the puss and make up anything. They’ll report it.”
    She was less concerned that the last two sentences were where Trump gave away the secret why reporting whatever he says amounts to fake news. For example, he has variously said he knew nothing about needing to reimburse fixer Michael Cohen for anything, paid him in $35,000 installments, paid him more that $100,000, paid him far more than $130,000, paid him around $460,000 or $470,000. And the various media had reported all of these things. Definitely something fake here.
    When CNN called the White House for a comment on the conversation, Trump initially apologized for the tape’s content, but deflected by saying that Bill Clinton had “said far worse to me on the golf course.”
    Already the recording has provoked strong reactions by media figures and politicians across the political spectrum. Statements from Republican officials have varied. Some, including Vice-President Mike Pence and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, indicated their disapproval of Trump’s words but did not renounce their support or call for his resignation. House Speaker Paul Ryan said it really didn’t matter what he thought, his tenure was about dead anyway. Former presidential nominee John McCain, however, stated that he now felt more strongly than ever that Trump must not be allowed to attend his funeral. Steve Doocy said he would never resign from his position as a host on “Fox & Friends,” and he hoped that Trump was still his friend.


Copyright © 2018 by Moristotle

3 comments:

  1. After dinner last night, I finished today’s piece, written out of impatient bewilderment at rationality’s seeming impotence in the face of current sociopolitical reality, and admiration & appreciation of Andy Borowitz’s satires on New Yorker Today.

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  2. I have to agree that satire is difficult with the current occupant of the White House-nothing anyone can make up can be considered too odd or ridiculous, the reality IS the satire.

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    1. Roger, I have to agree. Another friend wrote me, “I even have trouble laughing at Borowitz. It just isn’t funny. The exposure of major corporations buying access to Trump from Smeagol Cohen is appalling and depressing.”
          I replied that it “could be that ‘waxing clever’ about such travesties [i.e., writing an article such as my imitation of Borowitz] is a sort of self-therapy. I think it is for me anyway. Borowitz, of course, gets paid.”
          He said, “Terrible to be thinking of the White House as a latter day Mordor, den of the Dark Lord. Where is the little Hobbit who will bring him down? Unlooked for in all the sound and fury, fire and brimstone.”
          And I: “Indeed, terrible. And yet I can’t help but think that the compost of the corpses of these scoundrels will poison future weeds that might otherwise grow in the soil of the American psyche. These individuals shall pass, and their ways not take root. I have to believe this, even while realizing that it may not come to pass.”
          He: “The crisis is that this is not just Trump & Co. This is our elitist anything-goes-in-business-and-politics-and-no-one-goes-to-jail Culture. This is us. Wait till all the companies that paid Cohen for access come out.”
          I: “This is not US! This ‘culture’ you refer to is a Stage-IV cancer. I hope the real WE can surgically remove it, because I am not looking forward to chemotherapy, although the probability it will be required is very high.”
          He: “That’s almost satire. Not you or our friends. But somehow, when we weren’t on guard this evil of greed, avarice, selfishness, hubris, and a profound lack of empathy, compassion, and love of neighbor took over our country.
          “Did you hear the homily given at Harry and Meghan’s wedding? I am not religious and I never thought an Anglican Bishop, be he American and black, could so touch my heart, but he did. A homily to love as the core of relationships, religion, society, and our time together. Can we recapture a little?”

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