Like many people my age, I am partially deaf. In my case, like many males, it is the higher frequencies. This is the consequence of age and military experience.
There are some downsides and some upsides to this condition.
On the downside, being partially deaf gives an irrefutable fact to the famous words of most marriages – “You never listen to me.” Also, it gives rise to another widely used phrase, “Never mind.” One can only speculate how this might work (so to speak) in a union in which both sides are losing some hearing capability.
I also cannot watch TV programs other than to catch some comments (even signal boosting direct to my hearing aids works only partially.) I have learned to rely on close captioning, but that in turn can be annoying to those who can hear.
Going to a restaurant and being served by a woman with a high-pitched voice is so hopeless it is hilarious. I look to my spouse for instructions, and virtually never take the special unless it is spelled out on the menu.
Finally, Mother Nature is merciless. Even a modest breeze enters your hearing aid as if you were in an aeronautical testing wind tunnel. Mosquitoes are basically British Spitfire fighter planes closing into firing position, and any attempt to deflect them may result in crawling around in the grass looking for the hearing aid
I have made attempts at lip reading, but it is very hard to do unless you have been working on it for years, and it often requires starting at a young age. On TV, DVDs, and in conversations I have watched lips move and there are words that have a somewhat unique shape. But then actors are trained to enunciate clearly. I am sure it also helps to have a sense for the context (e.g., “Watch out!” is generally easy to see, and especially to grasp when a snowball or an automobile has your name on it).
Finally, Mother Nature is merciless. Even a modest breeze enters your hearing aid as if you were in an aeronautical testing wind tunnel. Mosquitoes are basically British Spitfire fighter planes closing into firing position, and any attempt to deflect them may result in crawling around in the grass looking for the hearing aid
| Lip reading is very hard to do |
But in daily living lip reading only seems to work if the person is talking to you and not to someone on their right or left at a restaurant table for six (standing in a group at a cocktail party leads to checking out the painting on the wall or the munchies). And some people seem to have mastered the art of talking almost without moving their lips.
A peculiar form of training (that is probably useless, but fun) is watching favorite movies over and over again. You get to know the dialogue and can watch the players to see if you can recognize their words visually. I must hold some records for number of times I have watched movies that are the foundation of American culture, such as Predators and Aliens. I had to set Aliens aside for a few years because I found myself using some of its phrasings in daily conversation (roughly the equivalent of famous all-American phrases like “Make my day” and “I’ll be back”). Maybe being deaf is some form of punishment for my tastes.
But being deaf has some upsides.
Reading can be done without the interference of random noise. There is that wonderful cup of coffee in the dawn and in the quiet with only the magical dog curled around your feet. She does not care you cannot hear; when she listens, what she hears is mostly incomprehensible chatter with occasional words she immediately recognizes (e.g., her name, “dinner,” “no,” “sit,” and “stay”). She just wants to be close; she makes no demands that you talk (introverts like me enjoy that).
One can also play golf without distractions.
Studies show that silence is good for your health, and so you now have a clear instrument to control that. Just push the buttons on your hearing aids, or pull them out and stick them in your pocket.
This is also a great tool when being forced to listen to someone who is carrying on about some branch of politics or engaging in excessive amounts of bragging. Some of both is OK. But after a while you can point to your ears and say, “I am partially deaf.” What is then interesting is the people who never break stride and continue to reorganize America or list their many accomplishments.
Being deaf actually gives you some control over relationships with others. I have learned, as I think others have, to sit in a group of six or more in a restaurant with the usual background noise, and watch faces. When they smile, I smile; when they frown, I frown; etc. This has led to two outcomes. First, I am seen as a good conversationalist who always listens to others’ point of view. Second, one realizes how frivolous some conversations can be. At my age there are limits to the valuable insights into many broken, breaking, or replaced body parts; the gossip about neighbors older or younger; the better world of the 1950s; and the all-important factoids about golf handicaps.
One of my other approaches is to go into a store, a doctor’s office, etc., and say “I am partially deaf. This is not your fault. Let’s agree that when you say something I will make like I understand and you will make like you understand that I don’t understand.” They laugh, you laugh, and life goes on.
A peculiar form of training (that is probably useless, but fun) is watching favorite movies over and over again. You get to know the dialogue and can watch the players to see if you can recognize their words visually. I must hold some records for number of times I have watched movies that are the foundation of American culture, such as Predators and Aliens. I had to set Aliens aside for a few years because I found myself using some of its phrasings in daily conversation (roughly the equivalent of famous all-American phrases like “Make my day” and “I’ll be back”). Maybe being deaf is some form of punishment for my tastes.
| But look on the upside |
Reading can be done without the interference of random noise. There is that wonderful cup of coffee in the dawn and in the quiet with only the magical dog curled around your feet. She does not care you cannot hear; when she listens, what she hears is mostly incomprehensible chatter with occasional words she immediately recognizes (e.g., her name, “dinner,” “no,” “sit,” and “stay”). She just wants to be close; she makes no demands that you talk (introverts like me enjoy that).
One can also play golf without distractions.
Studies show that silence is good for your health, and so you now have a clear instrument to control that. Just push the buttons on your hearing aids, or pull them out and stick them in your pocket.
This is also a great tool when being forced to listen to someone who is carrying on about some branch of politics or engaging in excessive amounts of bragging. Some of both is OK. But after a while you can point to your ears and say, “I am partially deaf.” What is then interesting is the people who never break stride and continue to reorganize America or list their many accomplishments.
Being deaf actually gives you some control over relationships with others. I have learned, as I think others have, to sit in a group of six or more in a restaurant with the usual background noise, and watch faces. When they smile, I smile; when they frown, I frown; etc. This has led to two outcomes. First, I am seen as a good conversationalist who always listens to others’ point of view. Second, one realizes how frivolous some conversations can be. At my age there are limits to the valuable insights into many broken, breaking, or replaced body parts; the gossip about neighbors older or younger; the better world of the 1950s; and the all-important factoids about golf handicaps.
One of my other approaches is to go into a store, a doctor’s office, etc., and say “I am partially deaf. This is not your fault. Let’s agree that when you say something I will make like I understand and you will make like you understand that I don’t understand.” They laugh, you laugh, and life goes on.
| Copyright © 2021 by Dan Fame |
Dan, what an entertaining take on such a serious topic. Having not yet joined the ranks of the hearing impaired I was basically oblivious to the challenges, but your "wind tunnel" and "British Spitfire" analogies make me think that - as an outdoors oriented person - I am in for a rough time when my hearing fades. Great tips on how to use hearing loss to advantage, sort of a clandestine version of wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a "Just Pretend I Have Tourette's" message.
ReplyDeleteAbout your predilection for 'Predators' and 'Aliens' movies: It is actually possible to sit through them multiple times? WOW! I've yet to manage to sit through a preview of either, much less a whole movie. Instead of gore, when I lose my hearing I will probably start watching movies where the screen is filled with fabulous looking women involved in inane plot lines that I never could stand to watch when I could hear the silly dialogue.