The animal lovers convention, part 3

[continued from yesterday]

Having just been introduced to give a speech on "The Appreciation of Pets" to the annual convention of pest controllers, I don't know how I managed to stand up, but I did. I rose and walked to the lectern, the butterflies in my chest battling me the whole way.
    In a Toastmasters club meeting, when you're called to speak impromptu on a table topic, your stomach often fills up with butterflies. A purpose of table topics is to help people learn to control their butterflies.
    But I was feeling worse than a butterfly infestation. I was about to address two thousand strangers—for fifteen minutes! I think I had dragonflies in my chest.
    In a high voice, I squeaked, "Thank you," to polite applause. I struggled to relax and bring my voice back down to normal.
    "As your chairman said, I will talk on the topic—" I cleared my throat. "The Extermination of Pests."
    I cleared my throat again. "Good morning, fellow—" I frowned and cleared my throat some more.
    "Good morning, pest controllers! You are gathered here, two thousand strong, to celebrate your heritage of...of exterminating pests. And...and there's a lot of it about these days...a lot of pests...Why, every American, without exception, has pests...."
    Oh, my dear reader, it was a long, long fifteen minutes. And even now, nineteen years later, I don't know how I got through that speech. But I did. There was no standing ovation, no tumultuous applause—not much applause of any kind.
    But I did get through it.
    The chairman even made me an honorary member of the National Pest Control Association and placed on my head their official headgear, an orange baseball cap with a gangly black spider on the bill. He received loud applause for that.
    Then he handed me a check for $3,000 and whispered, "See, those fortune tellers sometimes know what they're talking about."
    I still have the cap, too, but the uniquely honoring spider is long gone.
    And I finally figured out why there weren't any Toastmasters in the audience that day. Pest controllers naturally think they can control their own butterflies.

Self-portrait made on July 15