Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How can I approach my girlfriend about the weird sounds she makes in bed?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I’ve been with my girlfriend for five months and love her to bits - apart for one issue that’s causing me grief: When we are in bed making love she makes weird sounds, one like a cat being strangled, and not quietly either!! The other night in the middle of sex I “lost my desire” because she was so loud and off-putting!
    As it’s so early in our relationship, I don’t know how to approach this without her feeling I’m criticizing her in bed. Help! What do I do! –Troubled Man

Dear Troubled,
    Yes, sounds surprising and a bit on the challenging side.
    And, good to great relationships are challenging. They challenge all of us to improve our communication abilities and habits.
    At five months and “love,” it is no longer early, and it is high time to work on any and everything that can improve this relationship and keep it going. In a gentle, listening, and positive manner.
    You are correct not to criticize her “in bed.” As you certainly would not want her to do that to you?
    So, find a relaxed, non-aroused time and a private location to chat about what both/each of you need and want in the sexual arena. Maybe middle of a morning. This chat is not easy for many people. But, you will need to have discussions in the future, about money, religion and child-rearing, and how to handle the in-laws. Those are equally hard. So use this one as practice.
    Perhaps start by asking her if there is anything you are doing or not doing during love-making that she would prefer. Assuming she can “rise” to that bait, and you listen very hard, and you can handle what she says, then you can find the way to tell her that loud anything (sounds, music...vocalizations) is a challenge for you in sex. (If you lost your desire that night, then you likely lost your erection, and she should have noticed. And of course, she is waay too much a “lady” to have mentioned it. :-)
    Even if she cannot or will not control these sounds, you will have both learned a great deal about communication and where this relationship is and where it is going.
    Good Luck.

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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price