Sunday Review: Doubt

In persona sororitas

By Bob Boldt

[Submitted to Bishop Emil Frank on November 13, in the year of our Lord 2013 by His obedient servant Sister James, Principal of The Sisters of Charity School of New York (Retired)]

Many years ago, an incident occurred that has weighed upon me ever since. I feel that I must reveal to you the personal conclusions I have arrived at, now that I am about to meet The Blessed Bridegroom.
    In the year of our Lord 1964, a certain Father Brendan Flynn left our congregation at St. Nicholas to shepherd another parish. The details of this event have recently been discussed in a manner that I feel has portrayed the good Father most unfavorably and I feel a terrible responsibility in the matter that must now be brought to light.
    As with so many events in this world of doubt, the truth is known only to God. So we mortals on this side of paradise can see as through a glass – only darkly. We struggle toward the light with the faith that His love and divine guidance are our only certainties. Such is the case with Fr. Flynn. I have had time in the intervening years, through many personal and administrative trials, to think deeply concerning the case of Father Flynn. I have prayed for guidance about these comments and, though I believe one can never and should never possess the degree of certainty Sister Aloysius expressed in the matter, I have come to some conclusions I can live with and present to my Lord in my final hour.

Meryl Street as Sister Aloysius

    Fr. Flynn became a beloved figure in the brief time he served us here at St. Nicolas. In spite of this, Sister Aloysius came to believe that he may have initiated an inappropriate relationship with one of the students, David Miller, a black 12-year-old student at The Sisters of Charity School.

Philip Seymour Hoffman as Fr. Flynn

    It is to my eternal regret that I may have played some small part in initially supporting these conclusions that provided the first clues that set Sister Aloysius on her course, I might say her campaign, to expel Fr. Flynn. What is to be said, then, of the horrendous accusations concerning his alleged improper relationship with David Miller in 1964? My prayerful ponderings of this question have been the subject of many of my thoughts and my confessions over the years. By the time Fr. Flynn left the parish, I had convinced myself of his total innocence and viewed Sister Aloysius’s misgivings as being biased solely by her desire to preserve the old, conservative practices that she saw were being threatened by Fr. Flynn’s presence.

In those days there was a fresh wind blowing through the Church. Pope John XXIII’s Vatican II threatened conservatives in our parishes and in our orders in fundamental ways. I would say that there was hardly a congregation in the land that did not experience these deep-seated conflicts in one way or another. Yet was I not as convinced of Fr. Flynn’s innocence by an equally strong bias based upon my perception of his positive, charismatic qualities and his progressive agenda? Was I not as blind to truth and willing to overlook subtle evidentiary clues as was Sister Aloysius? I would say that the truth of the matter resided only in the memory of Fr. Flynn and in the compassionate heart of Christ. As one who has steadfastly supported Fr. Flynn’s innocence these many years, I must sincerely confess that I truly have no final conclusions to put forth concerning the matter of his innocence – pro or con. Must I go to my grave with this matter left so unfinalized, so undetermined? Faced with this terrible relativism, what is a faithful follower to do?
    What I chiefly have to relate to you is this: There is nothing in this life we can speak of with absolute certainty except for our faith in Jesus Christ and his redeeming love for us all. Nothing else matters. That also means that we must look on all about us with equanimity and a truly non-judgmental heart. True Christian humility means that we must always be humble enough to allow for our doubt, knowing that the greatest sin of pride is always carried on with the force of a terrible accompanying certainty. To ascribe to our finite minds the all-knowing omnipotence of God himself – even over the smallest of acts and events – is blasphemy.
    That is not to excuse us from our moral agency in the world. We need to be constantly reminded to mute our righteous wrath against those we perceive as doing evil with the divine mitigation of love. We must never cease to condemn evil in the world – even if imagined. Acts we can condemn, but like Jesus with the woman taken in adultery, we must always forgive the sinner. Such is Christ’s command.

One of the things that most inspired me was a sermon Fr. Flynn gave on a Sunday seventy years ago. After he left, I was assigned by Sister Aloysius to dispose of a few of Fr. Flynn’s remaining papers and personal articles. In one of his drawers, I found a draft of that sermon scrawled on a forlorn page of notepaper in his nearly illegible hand. I know it was wrong of me not to tell Sister Aloysius of this, but I kept this document and have found a renewed joy and strength in reading it over the years. Here are the lines I have found most meaningful.

When President Kennedy was assassinated, who among us did not experience the most profound disorientation? Despair? Which way? What now? What do I say to my kids? What do I tell myself? It was a time of people sitting together, bound together by a common feeling of hopelessness. But think of that! Your BOND with your fellow being was your Despair. It was a public experience. It was awful, but we were in it together. How much worse is it then for the lone man, the lone woman, stricken by a private calamity?...And I want to say to you: DOUBT can be a bond as powerful and sustaining as certainty. When you are lost, you are not alone.

    Our Church, as well as many other religious organizations, have often seen despair and doubt as a source of division and weakness that threatens faith and piety. I believe Fr. Flynn saw it as something wholly different. He saw these as essential parts of our shared human experience. Instead of seeing doubt as a thing that creates division and weakness, he saw it as a way for us to come together in our common acceptance of our finitude and humility in the face of a largely unknowable universe. And indeed aren’t we all so finite, so limited. Faced with this fear, many flee into dogmatism and certainty. What Fr. Flynn asked us to do was not to flee from our all too human despair and doubt but to embrace these very emotions in order to be more fully human. Through recognition of this same condition existing in others we may find a bond and an acknowledgment of a common humanity.

Amy Adams as Sister James

    I feel that these wandering comments by His old servant nearing her end may do little to clear up this issue. In fact it may simply muddy the waters further. As I said before, only Fr. Flynn and Christ know the full story. What I have chiefly learned over a long and blessed life is to allow these mysteries, these uncertainties. It is better to have doubt than to create a false truth to fill our discomfort. In the end, my end, all I know is that there is no higher truth than to love God with all one’s heart and to love one’s fellow creatures. There can be no other law and no doctrine without these.
    In prayerful respect,
    Your Servant,
    Sister James, Principal of The School of the Sisters of Charity
    (retired)

Copyright © 2015 by Bob Boldt