Thursday, June 18, 2015

Thor's Day: Why God just has to exist

There 'sproof!

By Morris Dean

God just has to exist. Look at all the people who pray to Him, or say "God damnit" when they bang their thumb, or "Oh, God" when they're coming. There has to be God to hear and answer those prayers, to damn whatever He's called on to damn, to resonate with the pulse of the latest transcendent orgasm.
    Roman Catholics go to church to confess to God. Who's going to absolve their sins if there's no God?
    And the people who rely on God to tell them what they ought to do? They don't think they could be good people if God didn't exist. And they think they're right to think so.

    Or the people who would plunge into deepest despair if God weren't there to punish the wicked, and right wrongs when all here is said and done. They might not be able to go on without that assurance, might not be able to continue to contribute to the economy.
    All those nice Mormon missionary young men out there proselytizing for God....

    And all those well-meaning Christian apologists fervently defending God? God's just gotta be, for their sake.
    And those hopeful young people in Minnesota and the suburbs of London who answer the call to Syria or Iraq. They're blowing themselves up and killing for Allah. Allah-God just has to be up there to meet and reward them.
    And all the debates between Christians and atheists. If God is not, what are they arguing about?
    You can't even count the city councils that start their meetings with an invocation. "Thank you God for who you are and what you do," as they like to say in the town that has my zip code.
    Or the growing number of business owners who are refusing service in His name. God has got to be there for these dedicated, hard-working people. It wouldn't be right if He weren't. And it must be right.

    And so many people's respect for their parents would be in jeopardy if the God their parents taught them to believe in didn't exist – especially if their parents also taught them about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. Society might fall apart.
    God just has to exist. So many people are counting on it.

Copyright © 2015 by Morris Dean


  1. A little tongue in cheek this morning or were you throwing up a prayer? (Smiley face)

    1. Dear Underthebelly, please accept my apology for this tardy response to your query. I am as ever delighted by the insightful reading you always give – in this case your appreciation for my careful balance between fervor and scoffing (even though the keyword "spoof" appears among the labels and is cleverly disguised in the subtitle, with it's artful "typo").
          On a tangent: In the days since your comment I've reflected on your moniker, "Underthebelly." Would you be willing to submit to an interview for our "Ask Wednesday" column on the connotations, allusions, implications, hidden meanings, and aspirations that "under the belly" might enclose? Not everyone knows who you are, although I of course do (and appreciate the inside information immeasurably), so I invite you to communicate your reply to me by email, although you may, of course, give the gist of it in a reply comment here so that our readers, I hope, will know that you agree and can therefore look forward to what would seem to promise to be a most interesting exchange.

  2. Its as simple as this, you believe or you don't. It would be nice if people could leave it at that and not argue or kill over it. Don't you agree Uncle Mo ?

    1. Dawn, now that Underthebelly and I have taken care of his item (look for the result on Wednesday....), I can respond to your comment, which I think diplomatically says a bit more than's on the surface. I think it's hinting that the Thor's Day column is mostly just arguing over believing. And I think that by saying "it's as simple as that, you believe or you don't" you are suggesting that I just "leave it at that." (Your concluding question seals the deal, I think. A strong, if subtle ending.)
          I admit that I occasionally ask myself whether I might just retire the column. But obviously I've always decided not to do that.
          Your comment prompts me to write a column explaining the reasons. I think I can do this in time to publish it on Thursday (two days for now).
          Thank you, dear Niece Dawn! <smile>

    2. Dawn, I see now that my reply comment seems to imply that I thought you were suggesting that I retire the column. I did not mean to imply that, but only to say that I myself have considered it a few times.

  3. God shuffled his feet and glanced around at them;
    The people cleared their throats and stared right back at him