Thirst Satyrday for Eros: When a ma-an loves a wo-o-man

And vice versa

By Morris Dean

[The jokes I reworked for today's column were sent me by a correspondent as a comment on my 49th wedding anniversary interview.]

God and Adam were walking in the Garden of Eden one day, and God noticed that Adam looked kind of sad. "What's up, my son?"
    Adam said, "Dad, I'm just lonely is all. I think I need someone to talk to besides you and that snake."
    God understood. There were just certain needs a man had that were special. He said, "Okay, my boy, how about I make you a woman? She could not only talk to you, she could also clean your house, cook your meals, and take care of your every domestic need, including those that come up in the sack."
    Adam thought that sounded cool, but God hadn't said anything about a woman before this.
    God continued, "I should warn you, though, you may not be able to keep your mind on anything else. If she's bad, you won't be able to see it, and you might start to think she can do no wrong. If she asks you to sleep out in the rain, you'll do it if she says that's the way it ought to be. Your eyes won't be able to see if she plays you for a fool – you'll be the last one to know. You'll come to think she's your world."
    Adam was both captivated and alarmed by this, and a little suspicious. "Uh, what will it cost me?"
    "Oh, it'll cost you an arm and a leg, and that's for sure."
    "Oooh," said Adam, "that's pretty steep. What could I get for a rib?"



And on the flip side, God and Eve were taking a walk one evening, and Eve said, "Sir, why do I have three breasts when so many other animals, like the monkeys, have only two? This one in the middle kinda gets in the way."
    "Hmm, yes, I can see that," said God. He reached out and snatched the middle breast off Eve's chest and threw it into the bushes.
    Eve said, "Oh, that's much better!"
    But God noticed that something else seemed to be on Eve's mind. "What's up, my daughter?"
    "Well, you know...I've been a little lonely lately."
    God nodded, then pondered a minute. Finally he said, "How about I make a man for you? He would be there to talk with you when you needed conversation, and he could open and close doors for you, carry heavy stuff, pick the higher fruit that you can't reach – useful things like that."
    Eve told him she was definitely interested. "I'd like it if you would make me a man."
    "I should warn you, though," said God, "a man is likely to string you along through thick and thin waiting for his ship to come in. When he's going strong, you'll be the first one to praise him. And when everything's wrong, you'll be the last one to blame him. When he tells you you're a fool, you'll say yes, you know."
    Eve was a bit perplexed, but still curious. "How would you make such a creature as a man?"
    "Let's see," God said, scratching his head. "Oh, I have an idea – where did I throw that useless boob?"

Copyright © 2015 by Morris Dean