By Victor L. Midyett
We visited with some friends a couple of weeks ago who have a 15-year-old daughter (named Charlotte) who is very astute and questioning of everything. Charlotte announced at the lunch table that a teacher had told her class that “having a bad day means you are experiencing depression.”
I was and continue to be concerned that the teacher didn’t provide adequate context for her pronouncement, because Charlotte (and her classmates?) remember it and are clearly disturbed.
I normally will sleep through a thunderstorm, but that night I woke at 2:30 a.m. thinking about this impressionable young girl’s turmoil. It caused me to stay awake formulating the thoughts below, which I shared with our friends in the hope that they would discuss them with Charlotte and her anxiety be alleviated1.
I seriously challenge the idea that “having a bad day means you are experiencing depression.” And I suggest some alternative thoughts on the subject.
Many individuals in society at the moment look to blame someone, or something, else for their woes and tribulations, versus looking at themselves. Have you had a “bad day”? Well, welcome to life, honey child. It ain’t gonna go away. So how about we look at the word “bad”? And here is where examining one’s attitude towards “bad” reveals a very positive alternative.
We need to ask ourselves: Is this perceived “bad” actually bad for us? Or is it just “bad” because others say it is? (Critical thinking.)
How can all things be good? Cherokee DNA seems to prescribe an alternative concept that enables “all things to be good.” That concept is “reaction” – more specifically, our inner, personal, and attitudinal reaction to whatever crosses our life’s path, whether it comes by way of a classmate or someone else.
And there is the key to managing our reactions to things and having a constructive attitude towards them.
- Keep quiet. Mouth shut. (There is a reason we have two ears and only one mouth.)
- Consider what “good” you can learn from what just happened, or is happening, and adopt a more appropriate attitude toward it.
- Retain the lesson learned, to keep for yourself in your personal growth and development. For if all things are “good,” then you must take the time to find what that good is.
Also remember, you are only responsible for you. No one else is responsible for you. And no one else can make you feel. How you feel about what happens is up to you, up to your reaction. It is your choice.2
With this slight attitude change, can we really have a “bad day”?
1. Our friends did in fact share my thoughts with their daughter. To my surprise and delight, Charlotte wrote to me. The following is part of her intelligent and well-crafted response, which inspires in me great hope for our next generation, and much encourages me for “tomorrow.”
I enjoyed the philosophical approach to the concept of a “bad day,” creating a powerful stimulus for reflecting on how we think with a generally pessimistic view on the world...It teaches people to think for themselves rather than blindly believing what the teacher says as truth….2. See also my column of November 17, 2015: “Feel: Others can’t make us do it.”
This follows up with what we have been learning in my English class, that there is no single story, that everything is a version of reality, no view of the world is a true description because everyone has a perception that changes due to cultural differences and experiences. This therefore teaches to stop conforming to societal concepts when looked at from a deeper level. Hence, causing a concept which my teacher calls “deeper thinking,” therefore changing how people see themselves and the people around then, and the powerful idea of changing how we as people think for the better.
Thank you so much for letting me read your work and being able to give my thoughts on it.
—Love, Charlotte
| Copyright © 2018 by Victor L. Midyett |
dear mr m dang, i was gonna fill this space with smiley faces and it wont let me...:-) :-) well, there's a few anyway
ReplyDeleteha ha... I take it you liked the philosophy suggesting an alternative. Thank you for your support.
DeleteA Scottish clergyman, whose name escapes me, once said, " We must believe in something, or we will fall for everything."
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you're still in there concerned and working for the kids!!
ReplyDeleteThe principle that others can't make us feel this way or that is one of the most important I have ever learned. Unfortunately, my memory has deteriorted so much that I can't remember who taught it to me, or when I learned it. It could have been from reading Shirley Deane/Midyett's book, Brain Tangles, but I'm pretty sure that I MUST have learned it earlier than that – probably years earlier. Of course, learning involves re-learning things we have forgotten or come to neglect, so whenever and wherever I first learned the principle, it was a very good thing to be reminded of it again by Shirley...and yet again by her husband, Victor L.!
ReplyDeleteViola, I thank you very much for remembering that part of my life, that yes, has continued when appropriate. And Morris, you too buddy, for your always supportive and loving words. Bless you both.
ReplyDelete