Goines On: Muse coaching

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A friend of Goines announced that he was planning to retire after becoming fully eligible for a pension where he was now working, but he was flummoxed about what he’d do next. Did Goines have any ideas?
    Goines should have some ideas, because he knew what his friend’s job was, he knew that the friend volunteered to sit with people in hospice, and he knew that he was an accomplished story-teller and reader at book clubs. Goines told the friend he’d think about it.
   Apparently his muse thought about it too, because at midnight that very night, after getting up for the first time to pee, Goines was flooded with ideas, and he couldn’t go back to sleep for what seemed an hour. He was having too much fun to sleep.
    Among the stories Goines’ friend had told him were ones about bartenders and sky-diving and partying, although Goines had never been to a bar or a party or an airfield with the friend. But those pieces of information probably informed his muse to suggest, among other things, that the friend consider becoming

• a bartender,
• a sky-diving instructor, or
• a full-service escort, not only escorting women to parties and other outings, but also reading them to sleep afterwards, or – for an additional fee, of course – even telling them a gripping story made up on the spot just for them.

    But to Goines’ way of thinking, another idea his muse suggested seemed more down the friend’s alley: becoming a “life coach,” offering an array of services for clients to choose from, including even an introductory interview to determine which services might best help them and whether the coach felt confident he could help:

• What to do with the rest of your life?
• What to do with your life instead of what you are doing now? (This seemed to be Goines’ friend’s own question, so was Goines’ muse acting as a “life coach”?)
• How to stop the world from spinning so you could get your bearings, relax, and smell the roses?
• How to do more good and less bad?
• How to stop caring what your neighbors will think?
• How to let go and get on with it?
• How to accept things you can’t change?
• How to want what you have when you can’t have what you want?
• How to have more meaning in your life?
• How to extricate yourself from a tricky situation? (Goines’ friend would of course need to know up front what sort of situation you had in mind, in order to weigh his ability to help.)
• How to choose a role model?
• How to accomplish something on your bucket list?
• How to accomplish everything on your bucket list?
• And, of course, whether you should just kill yourself, or not?

   Strikingly, Goines’ muse had even provided ideas for how much the friend should charge per hour ($100, but do some regular hours of pro bono work for the poor). And she suggested what the friend’s business card might say, with regard, anyway, to what to call his business – and what to give as his title:

• Life Management – Consultant
• Artful Living – Consultant in the Art
• Life Repairs – Life Repairman
• Conducting Life – Consultant

    Goines was aware that many ideas his muse had presented during the night had slipped through the cracks, but he trusted that he was familiar enough with her ways to have reconstructed their gist. But he felt sure she had suggested more and better ideas for the business card. Drat that.

    Goines grinned, and he wondered whether it was his muse who was grinning, and whether it was her way of expressing her satisfaction with maybe having solved Goines’ friend’s problem what to do next; that is, if the friend could successfully implement one of her suggestions. Time would tell.
    Goines also wondered whether his muse considered his friend her friend too? Why not?

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