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| There's not enough space between fish and and and and and chips |
When Ann-Ann Andover's parents named their daughter, they had no way of knowing she would be dyslexic and have difficulty writing her name, sometimes rendering it, for example, "And-And Anover."
Her problem was exacerbated when she fell in love with and married the nearsighted Cockney Alan Anand, and she made a point of not telling him she was dyslexic.
When Alan and Ann-Ann moved into their first home, they found themselves in a friendly community in which each of their neighbors had a sign at the front door identifying who lived there. For example, JOE AND SUE JONES HOME or BILL AND JOAN HILL.
Alan purchased a nice piece of wood and asked Ann-Ann to make a sign for them. Ann-Ann foresaw a problem, but what could she do?
Ann-Ann decided to lay the words out first in pencil. She quickly discovered that the piece of wood was too narrow for more than a single line but not long enough for the usual spacing of words, so she decided to squeeze them together.
It turned out a beautiful, if curious sign:
ALANDANDAND-ANDANDANDHOMEBetty next door, in whom Ann-Ann had confided her dyslexia, explained to the other neighbors that Ann-Ann tended to add a "d" to "an" words. And Betty described the sign's space problem this way:
There's no space between Aland and and, and and and And-And, and And-And and Andand, and Andand and home.That clarified everything, especially when she repeated it several times, with pauses where I have inserted commas.
As for Alan, he was fine. He was so nearsighted, he couldn't see the extra "d's," and he was used to London fish-and-chips shop signs. He was just thrilled that everyone admired his wife's 'andiwork.
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Copyright © 2013 by Morris Dean
| Please comment |
A bit of whimsy to start the weekend, how nice.
ReplyDeletemotomynd, thanks. I remembered the "fish and chips" whimsy as Carolyn and I were leaving Southport three weeks ago. I started to draft Ann-Ann's story in my head as I drove by Wilmington, and I had a version to publish by that weekend.
ReplyDeleteBut only last night did I hit on the piece's final word and making Alan Cockney so I could drop the aitch from "handiwork."
My head hurts. I turned right and I meant to turn left. I started off thinking the story was real and thinking how stupid the parents were----whimsy is good.
ReplyDeleteKonotahe, I'm honored and thrilled to have hoodwinked such a seasoned storyteller as yourself!
DeleteI encountered the "fish and chips" item almost 48 years ago, during my few months in Edinburgh, Scotland. My money was running low, and I earned a few bucks submitting fillers to The Reader's Digest. Best I can remember [I may be wrong], the "fish and chips" item was one of them.
I don't think it was a "fish and chips" sign that I saw in Southport, but something I did see there (maybe just another sign with the words run together) reminded me of it, and I was moved to try to manufacture a story that significantly surpassed its five "and's" in a row.
"Moved"? Well, you know, moved in the way a writer gets when he's sort of clicking. I had written the anniversary sestina for that Wednesday (our 47th wedding anniversary had been Monday) and already conceived a follow-on calendar sestina (published the following week), so I was on kind of a writer's high. So...I couldn't resist the temptation to write a story by way of which to present my besting of the "fish and chips" achievement. I think it worked. At any rate, I was pleased.
You of course know—I think you've even pointed it out a couple of times—that I'm pretty serious, maybe too serious, so an occasional break from seriousness is possibly a good thing for me (and for others who have—or choose—to live with me).
Whimsy was cool, but the real story sounds MUCH more interesting! Edinburgh, money running low, selling to The Reader's Digest...is there a James Carneyesque feature lurking there?
Deletemotomynd, a story might be there, but I'm not confident I could don the James T. Carney persona to invent it from the shards of memory and imagination that remain of that dreamy time in my life.
DeleteI finally read this, Morris, and don't understand a thing even with your explanation. I wish I was as smart as you.
ReplyDeletePatsy, fiddlesticks!
DeleteHere's a clue: In the text "Pat&Mike" there is no space between Pat and & and & and Mike. Read it aloud; haven't you heard people say that sort of thing?
NOW don't you get it?