Yesterday, on a whim, Thor actually listened to a few hundred of the millions of prayers that were coming in over his radio, and he informed me that the experience was so demoralizing and exhausting, he needed today off.
"There were prayers on both sides or more of every issue imaginable," he said. "Don't let Aunt Millie die/do let Aunt Millie die...help Duke beat Carolina/help Carolina beat Duke...power to Muslims/help us slaughter the Muslims, bless Christians/help us slaughter the Christians, protect Jews from their enemies/help us slaughter the Jews...help us God-fearing Republicans/down with John Boehner and all Republicans, down with Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid and all them Liberals/help our Liberal cause...help us create a theocracy on Earth/help us keep church and state separate...help us abolish taxes/help us make the rich pay their fair share, help us end Social Security/protect and expand Social Security...keep marriage between one man and one woman/support gay marriage...pro life/free choice...."
Thor shook his head. He clearly didn't want to go on, so I didn't ask whether there were any prayers pro or con Moristotle & Co. Or this column.
He continued, "They have to figure out that they all have to be praying for the same thing. And it has to be for something reasonable and realistic, something based on the actual facts. No god can possibly help otherwise."
I said, "Do you want me to tell them that?"
Thor said, "Why not? For all the good it will do."
I said I would. "So...you're really taking the day off?"
"Damn right."
"No problem," I said. "Uh, will you be back next week?"
"Maybe I will, and maybe I won't. I might decide I need an extended vacation."
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Copyright © 2013 by Thor
| Please comment |
The first comment I've received on today's post (via email) alerts me that I may need to provide a short tutorial on how to read this column. My correspondent wrote: "Please explain what prayers on the radio you are talking about??? Left me confused??"
ReplyDeleteIt's possible, first, that this person (and, by extension, other readers) may not know that Thor was the Norse god after whom the word "Thursday" was named. "Thor's Day" is simply a literal rendering of that. (I explained this in the introductory column, with Brad Pitt's help, way back on July 12, 2012.)
The column uses Thor as a sort of stand-in for what people around here refer to as "God." But today's column is the first time I ever quoted him. Here is how I responded to my correspondent who asked what prayers "I" was talking about:
Thor gave a long list by way of summarizing the few hundreds he actually listened to of the millions of prayers that had been uttered or sub-vocalized to him. What is not clear? The radio was of course just a colorful metaphor for how gods receive prayers—if they deign to receive them at all. Thor is explaining why gods may NOT be willing to listen....
Like Thor needs yet another day off. What a slacker. Apparently he took off the past 1,200 years or so, ever since he told his Viking children to go south and bring a little order at least to Normandy, if not all of France, and then in 1066 to make an attempt at straightening out that pagan/druid/Celtic mess in the British Isles. We all know what came out of forcing that bunch to work together: far-flung world conquest, wars with native peoples in Africa and Asia, and that New World colony that seems bent on destroying the whole planet. Way to go Thor, start the boulder rolling down the mountain, and then expect us to figure out how to stop it, while you are hanging out drinking mead with your Valkyries.
ReplyDeleteMotomynd, Thor tells me that he's glad at least two of us have "figured out that he started the boulder rolling down the mountain, and expects us to figure out how to stop it."
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