Ask Wednesday: On the first year of my retirement

Happy at the
University of North Carolina 

A year away from all that

By Morris Dean

Today marks the first anniversary of my retirement from UNC General Administration (UNC-GA), where I began working eight months after retiring from IBM at the end of 1996. A number of former colleagues at both places submitted questions for this interview, and other questions came from friends and current associates, none of whom is identified. Thanks to all who provided questions. I've used most of them, combining a few that overlapped. [Questions are in italics.]

For the "bad manager" reasons you revealed on May 3 ["Why I decided to retire"], you retired a year earlier than you had planned. How do you feel about it now?
    Exactly 15 months ago, when I notified HR and my supervisor of my decision to leave and posted my "official announcement," I wrote that I was surprised the decision had made me "giddy with a sense of relief and lightness."
    Do I still feel giddy? Hardly. But I do feel good. It was the right decision, and I congratulate myself for making it on the very same day that my supervisor revealed her "badness"—her callous disregard for "the help."

What about UNC-GA have you thought about most?
    I've not thought much about it since the first month or so, when I had some anger I needed to express, and I published a number of articles collected on the page, "To the three white ladies, I was a colored maid." (The "three white ladies" is a metaphor I adopted from the 2011 film and 2009 novel, The Help, about the way black maids were treated in Jackson, Mississippi in the early 1960's.)
    I thought I would miss more than I have being involved in coordinating North Carolina's participation in the Academic Common Market. But I haven't missed it much—perhaps because North Carolina's Republican legislature, which seems intent on diminishing the University of North Carolina's role in education, was at the time ending North Carolina's ACM participation altogether, with or without me. And anyway, though it was valuable work I'm proud of having done, it wasn't the most fun work I did there.

What was the most fun work you did there? What did you like best—and what least—about working at UNC-GA?
    I probably most liked working on the northcarolina.edu website. In my first year or two at GA, I took two HTML courses at Durham Technical Community College. And a few years later I took several courses in XHTML, at the Office of State Personnel's development center in Raleigh. I was well-positioned to become about as technical a "web content manager" as there was, and I didn't turn down any opportunity to work on the website. It was lots of fun. And, of course, the training and experience has helped me with the blog....
   Least liked? Well, there really weren't any downsides for me...until two of the three white ladies arrived and found a toady in HR to assist them.

Don't you have some fond memories from UNC-GA?
    Perhaps the earliest "fond memory" was working a whole weekend to develop a Powerpoint presentation for my boss, Vice President Gary Barnes, for UNC President Molly Broad. What made that a fond memory was that I had to learn Powerpoint the same weekend. Another was getting to know Mrs. Broad's successor, Erskine Bowles. Here was someone who had worked in the Clinton White House, yet in person he was like your next-door neighbor. I was at one of his staff parties during the 2008 presidential primaries and I asked him if he stayed in touch with Bill Clinton. He said, "I just got off the phone with him. He doesn't think Hilary's going to get the nomination."
    And I have many fond memories of particular colleagues I either worked with or just got to know in my years there. It really is the people, isn't it?

Many of us go into retirement with elaborate plans to do all the things we didn’t have the time or freedom for while tied to a job. Mostly it doesn’t happen, for reasons that would make an entertaining discussion. How have you fared in this?
    My plans were far from elaborate, and not just because circumstances prompted me to jump a year ahead of schedule, so I have little to report on things planned that haven't panned out. I just knew that I was going to continue to have fun, and probably more of it. But I'd been trying to have fun during 45 years of employment. And for the most part I think I succeeded in that.

Do you plan to write a book, and if so what would it be about?
    Between February and May last year, I did ask myself whether I would undertake a larger writing project than blogging. The only two alternatives I considered were to write a novel or a screenplay. It wasn't a hard decision. I had actually written a novel in 1974 (The Unmaking of the President: A Bicentennial Entertainment, never published; it was a parody of Nixon's Watergate). Because I'd only dabbled with screenplay writing (in connection with adapting Jim Rix's true-crime book, Jingle Jangle, for film—which Jim is still pursuing), I decided that it would probably be more fun to write a screenplay. I had some ideas for developing one on the theme of animal rights. A friend and I started to discuss a story line involving poaching. But that was some months ago. I don't know whether we'll ever do it...there's so much else good stuff to do. I'd have to revive my motivation for it. I think you have to feel strongly to get very far writing a novel or a screenplay...or a non-fiction book.

What is the most fun trip you've made since retiring? (I dream of going places so that's why I ask that.)
    I'm not sure I've had a "fun trip"—I dislike traveling and I didn't have a list of trips I wanted to take or places I wanted to visit. But I did enjoy accompanying my wife to Quebec last summer. We went whale-watching on the St. Lawrence River. We visited the wonderful Gardens at Les Quatre Vents. We enjoyed a quaint bohemian restaurant. Mainly because of the gardens, that trip was sort of one of those "once in a life time" things. And it's always a pleasure to visit Woodstock when we go up to Vermont to visit our son at the Killington Music Festival. I enjoy California when we go out there.

    You know, I guess visiting Quebec was a "most fun trip"...except for the traveling part...getting in and out of airports, being in an airport, actually flying, renting a car and driving many miles. Don't need that, don't miss it. In general, I'd prefer to avoid it and stay home with Siegfried, but I almost always go along with my wife.

What was NOT as you had anticipated in this first year?
    I never anticipated that the blog Moristotle would blossom into a "company" enterprise. That has been a delightful unfolding. The teamwork and camaraderie with the contributing editors and columnists has been a source of stimulation and intellectual and personal satisfaction. And we don't even have staff meetings.

Did you have a system in place to stay active after you retired? If so, what was it, and how has it worked?
    I didn't have a "system" and felt no need for one. I've always been active where it counts...in my mind. There was no way that was going to change...unless my brain fails, which it may well do. I knew I'd continue to help my wife with our garden. And I'd already joined a physical fitness center.

"Reflections in a shaving mirror." For the first time in nearly fifty years your days are not organized around work, i.e., doing something to make a living. How does that make this day different from those days?
    But my days still are "organized around work"—it's just not work that I have to do to make a living. It's work that I have to do to keep "the household" running and remain alive inside my head.
    Of course, the organization is different. No employer's time clock, no commute schedule. Now the main constraints involve the timing of my wife's requests....

Do you feel like you accomplished the goals you set for yourself when you started at UNC or IBM?
     I don't think I had any goals starting those employments—other than gaining an income doing something I hoped I'd enjoy. I didn't join either organization to achieve something larger. My heritage and background simply didn't make me that sort of person. Whatever I might say here, I'd probably be making it up.

It seems so many men look forward to retirement, then when it happens they feel lost and bored. Did you go through any of that adjustment?
    Not a single moment.

Work was my primary source of interaction with others except for immediate family. Have you replaced that source of interaction with another or do you feel a need to do so?
    I agree that "interactions with others" is very important. Over the many years at IBM and the half-as-many years at UNC, I much enjoyed working with others on projects. I valued the working together much, much more than anything "social" about being there. I'm not particularly social, in fact. Small talk has been something I've had to learn to tolerate, and I generally try to avoid it.
    While I can do a convincing imitation of an extrovert, I now think that I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert. My involvement in Toastmasters in the 1990's was a weird aberration.
    Or is that a self-delusion? I have, after all, expanded my blog to include "& Co.," and I spend a fair amount of time managing the blog in addition to writing and editing and preparing articles for publication. Hmm, this undertaking has much in common with the many years of writing and editing at IBM (and I did a fair amount of editing at UNC also, after my skills were noticed), except that it's infinitely more fun to write about anything that catches my fancy and to recruit into the company anyone whose mind and writing I admire.

Do you have a "bucket list" (I'm not fond of that term but it seems to be useful), and if so, has it changed over the past year?
    I don't have a list like that. My only lists are of two sorts: the usual to-do lists that I guess most people employ so as not to forget the mostly small things that need to get done to keep practical life going. Things you need to get at the grocery store. Things you promised someone else you'd do (especially the ones your spouse asked you about). The other sort of list is upcoming columns on the blog. Have I written the ones I'm responsible for? Do I need to remind contributors about their own upcoming columns?

What have been your chief sources of satisfaction and/or pleasure during the past year?
    Amicable time spent with my wife—and with Siegfried. Working on the blog. Taking photographs...birds, flowers, interesting contrasts of light and shadow...Siegfried. Watching movies and, especially, dramatic TV series.

Have your eating/drinking/sleeping habits changed?
    Not really. Breakfast and dinner haven't changed at all. Lunch is more varied now that I'm not simply going down to the Thai restaurant for a bowl of brown rice, or reaching into a desk drawer for a jar of peanut butter and a box of crackers....
    I go to bed about the same time, get up about the same time—even without any need to catch a commute shuttle or bus.

Do you follow a routine or schedule?
    Yes, but I always have, and retirement hasn't altered that. A dog is a very regular creature. He wants to be fed and let out in the morning. My wife too is a creature of routines. It's a family thing and always has been. Oh, I (we) might watch a movie during the day now when I couldn't have done that when I was at IBM or UNC.

What motivates you to get up each morning?
    It depends. Sometimes, of course, I don't feel much motivation at all, initially. My focus is often just on doing enough stretching exercises to be able to get up into a relatively pain-free standing position, which is virtually impossible for me without the stretching. (Siegfried's a good model for stretching.)
    If I remembered (and felt like) practicing auto-suggestion on my way to sleep or during periods of wakefulness during the night, I usually wake up motivated to pursue whatever I've suggested to myself I would wake up bushy-tailed about.

How do you feel & what do you think at the end of each day?
     I almost always feel good and tired. I often am not thinking of anything. I often fall asleep after listening to a few minutes of a recorded book.

What delights you? What enthralls you? What makes you soar? What amazes you?
    Birds feeding in the back yard. Siegfried's blinking at me or licking my ear. Getting a neat idea for a column or a poem. The cooperation I have enjoyed from my contributing editors and columnists.

What renders you speechless…both “positive” & “negative”?
    Things positive don't render me speechless. Something negative: Letters to the editor that say America's problems all stem from our failure to obey the Bible. I used to comment on such letters, but that was futile of course. Now they just leave me speechless.

What galls you? What do you fear? What paralyzes you?
    I can't think of anything that I fear or that paralyzes me, possibly because I simply don't think along those lines. I do know that I'm galled by injustice, however.

What do you aspire to?
    That's way too fancy for me.

Who are the key people you keep around (close to) you?
    My wife is my key person. And I trust my children's advice 100%.

Who & what are you—here & now? Where are you in your life?...What’s your life’s purpose? Why are you here—here & now—at this point & place in time?
    I used to find questions like these provocative, in the simple sense that they did provoke me to pursue what I then considered interesting lines of thought. What I'm saying, I think, is that I no longer consider them interesting or provocative...unless I just happen to think of an angle along which to write a column, perhaps a "Thor's Day." It would be more interesting to hear you try to explain what you even mean by questions like that.
    But seriously, I don't think my life has a purpose, except in the sense that I have fathered two children. Nature's purpose. I have, of course, had "purposes" of my own from time to time. I guess, at this stage in my life, my main purpose is to be a good companion to my beloved wife and attend to our and my own daily routines, mainly centered around writing and editing (and managing) a blog.

Speaking of your wife, how does Carolyn feel about having you home all the time? I have heard a lot of older women complain after their husband retired because they were used to their freedom and social life with "the girls." Then the husband is home and wants lunch!
    I am SO GLAD you asked this question. Carolyn doesn't do lunch (or anything else) "with the girls," anymore than I do anything "with the boys." She seems to be glad to have me home. Not that she doesn't find things to complain about. Such as, "Why do you spend so much time on your computer?" That's a puzzling question, because she knows it's nine times out of ten my blog.
    Plus, I almost always prepare my own lunch.

Any suggestions or things to avoid for other retirees and future retirees?
    Nothing beyond the obvious: Create a "life outside work" before you find yourself outside work. It can get awfully boring out there if you don't have something to do that you love. Take care of your finances so that you can afford to retire.

What do you plan to do in the future?
    Finish tomorrow's "Thor's Day" column. Compile "Fish for Friday" and write its limerick of the week. Finish reviewing the 2012 TV series Titanic: Blood and Steel for "Sunday Review." Double-check on Moristotle & Co.'s "characters" for Monday's column. Continue working on another sestina about the calendar (the repeating 28-year cycle in which the same 14 calendars are used over and over...).

Years organized by day of the week they begin on;
the template can be applied, for example, to the periods
1945-72, 1973-2000, 2001-2028, 2029-56, 2057-84, and so on

...Find out where the low-voltage current stops in a string of our back-yard lights and repair the break. Go to Vermont at the end of June. I think we may be planning to visit family in California in October. I'll have to check with my wife. In the summer of 2014, spend a week at a North Carolina beach with both our son and our daughter (and her husband), and Siegfried....And, finally, at some point...die.

That's all [we] can think of, but [we]'ll be very interested to see what questions you ask yourself.
    With all of your questions, surely you don't think I need to add more?
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Copyright © 2013 by Morris Dean

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