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By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
My father remarried a family friend after the death of my mother. They moved nearby a few years ago to be nearer some of their children (three of Dad's one of Stepmom's). My stepmother is showing increasing signs of memory and dementia issues and has been seeing a physician for these problems. They are in their 80s and the toll on my father is showing in his physical health. How do I get my stepsister to take a more active role in caring for her mother to relieve my dad of some of the pressure? –Maggie
Don't assume that this stepsister is aware of the issues or able to assist. Frequently, the adult kids in this situation may have involving/troubling issues with their own families, work, grandchildren, etc. that make them unable or hesitant to take on something additional that is so very foreign and frightening.
And it is unclear why, with four related children nearby, it would be just one child's job to be more actively involved in helping these parents?
We don't get to choose who or when or how these "nearing the end" issues occur. And it's not always the "obvious" person (i.e., a female directly-related to the "ill" person) who is able, willing, or best to be of assistance.
I suggest a family group discussion. It might be that one child can willingly do well one aspect of the support that your father and stepmother need, and the others can willingly and well do other things. It takes coordination, and since you are the one writing, that leadership might naturally fall to you?
And, since you are aware of the need, perhaps this is your job that is calling you?
[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]
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Copyright © 2013 by Susan C. Price
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One more option? Guardianship?
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