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By Jim Rix
After “Risk factors,” my previous red herring, was published, the editor suggested in retrospect that I might have used this cartoon, which he saw on his doctor’s bulletin board and thought sounded pretty healthy:
I responded that the cartoon is itself a red herring. While the cartoon doctor’s suggestions are all good things to do, they will, even if diligently followed, do little to improve the patient’s health. This fact is supported by the punchline “Come back in 3 weeks.” After all, if the patient’s health improves he won’t need to come back to see the doctor at all, now would he?
I myself cannot remember when I last saw a doctor. It must have been at least five years ago. I had a skin thing happening on my right cheek, so I went to see a local dermatologist. The “doctor” came in (I learned later that he wasn’t the real dermatologist but merely a technician), told me the thing was “nothing to worry about,” and quickly burned it off with liquid nitrogen. Then he spied something on my forehead that he said “looks suspicious.” I looked in the mirror but couldn’t see anything. Nevertheless he took a skin sample and sent it off to the lab. A short while later I get a call from the office informing me that I have “Basal Cell Carcinoma.” My first thought of course is, I’m dying of cancer! Then I’m told “it’s in the early stages so you won’t need the full $3,000 treatment, but only the lesser $1,500 treatment.”
So I make an appointment for the procedure, but then I immediately email my primary care physician, Dr. John McDougall. Although Dr. McDougall’s office is 200 miles away, I remain his patient because I attended his 10-day live-in program in which his “treatment” consisted solely of eating a plant-based diet and attending his presentations on health and nutrition. Within 15 minutes he returned my email and said, in effect, “Whenever I get Basal Cell Carcinoma I use [this] $15 ointment.” Relieved, I called the dermatologist back and canceled the appointment, telling him that I was going to treat myself. This resulted in a marketing onslaught from the dermatologist that culminated in a registered letter informing me he could not be held responsible for what might happen to me from refusing his treatment. Ahhh, medical marketing to the max – quack quack!
I didn’t even bother to get the ointment but just kept an eye on my forehead for a while, and today I’m happy to report that my forehead is still intact.
Pardon my digression. Back to the cartoon. The closest the cartoon comes to be of any help healthwise is to advise the patient to avoid processed foods and eat organic – both good things. However, avoiding processed meats in favor of organically fed meats will do little to improve health. (See my article on the red herring “Protein.”) Also, switching to eating organic vegetables will do little to improve health unless the vegetables are high in starch.
To make the cartoon not be a red herring (that is, make it offer sound, healthy advice) the caption would have to read: “Avoid ALL animal products, ALL oils, AND eat a plant-based diet rich in starch.”
However, the cartoon would cease to be funny, because who wants to hear that the foods we have enjoyed all our lives cause our illnesses?
Perhaps we could jazz it up with the punchline, “Come back to see me only if you break a leg,” or something like that. But that wouldn’t be funny to the healthcare biz, which relies on repeat business to be profitable.
Previous red herring: Risk factors
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Copyright © 2014 by Jim Rix
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Jim, today's column reminds me that on Saturday morning, as we were leaving Carolina Beach, we stopped at a restaurant for breakfast. (We would have had it in the rental house before departing if others in our party weren't still sleeping.) When I ordered cereal, I was told they didn't have any, no one ever orders it, and they are going to strike the item from the menu. Oatmeal? Nope, none of that either. I had two orders of wheat toast and coffee. The waitress said dismissively when she set it on the table, "The power of toast."
ReplyDeleteThis made me reflect on what a centerpiece meat & dairy products are to mainstream restaurants. Animals don't have a chance in our culture.
You correctly interpreted the cartoon as just assuming that, of course, the patient would still eat meat, whereas I was inclined, because meat wasn't mentioned, to interpret the cartoon as meatless.