Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How can I fix my on-off relationship with this girl?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I’ve had an on-off relationship with a girl for nearly three years. There’s been a lot of back and forth awkwardness and drama during this time, but last month things finally seemed sorted out. We actually settled on being together and we confessed all of our feelings for one another.
    When I left the country for a few weeks, we missed each other terribly, so I surprised her by coming home a little early, which she seemed happy about.
    Now, however, she appears less interested. Maybe I’m making too much of it, but she doesn’t talk to me like she used to and doesn’t text me as often and so on. I’ve asked her if there’s anything wrong and she insists there isn’t and that she loves me.
    I was thinking of not texting her for a while to give her some space. I’ve thought about this relationship every day for as long as I can remember knowing her. How do I fix this and keep her happy? –On-Off

Dear On-Off,
    What people say is often quite lovely, what they DO is the "money shot," the real truth. Whether she loves you less than she did when she "confessed," or when "we missed each other terribly,"...the truth is what she is doing or not doing now, when you are right there. And the other piece of that truth is how you feel about her actions.
    It is certainly often true that, as a relationship progresses, couples can get into a groove or a rut (depends on who is observing) that might involve less talking or texting.
    What's important is how YOU feel about the action, or absence of action, and what you choose to do about it. You can't fix you (or change how you feel, probably) and you can't fix or change her. If YOU are not happy, you have the right and responsibility to gently state your questions and needs and then decide if YOU are staying or going based on her actions.
    It sounds as if you have been wondering about this relationship for as long as you have known her...a good to great relationship meets many of one's needs and doesn't require this level of constant Is she? Are we? questioning. Believe her actions.

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Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price