Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

Should I break up with my fiancé to be with the man I have butterflies for?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I fell in love with someone but when he asked for my hand in marriage, my parents refused because he’s not educated like I am. He’s from a family my parents don’t get along with. I wanted to please them so I broke up with him, thinking I’d done the right thing.
    Then on a work trip, I met someone else and he seemed the sweetest guy on earth. He surprised me by coming to my home town and proposing. My parents liked him, and the way he asked me was so romantic it was hard to say no.
    Now, though, I can’t help thinking of the first guy. I talked to him on the phone and got butterflies when I heard his voice. I’ve never felt like this for my fiancé. Should I break up with him?
    One more thing. I come from a culture that forbids sex before marriage, and I’ve been intimate with my fiancé, which makes my decision even harder. –What Now?

Dear What Now?
    Yes, this is a pickle. Culture, love, sex, parental expectations, all are very challenging to find YOUR way.
    Only you can decide with whom you wish to spend your life. Life is actually quite short, but being with, parenting with, and organizing a household with someone you don’t enjoy and agree with can be verrrrry long. Romance and butterflies are fine for dating and blushing, but they don’t always go along with lifestyle, with making adult decisions with a partner, and with the daily stuff like that.
    Only you know whether the butterflies are likely to beat the romantic. Only you (and your fiancé) know that you have had sex. Only you know whether that will be a problem for YOU if you break the engagement.
    It sounds like you are not quite ready to be a full adult and take the step of marriage, establishing a household and, possibly, raising a family. Your parents do love you and their decisions are based on what they know, what their background has been, and what their culture dictates. This might, or might not, be best for YOU.
    Take your time. Lots of it. You will know which, or neither, is the best choice for you.

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Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price