Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How do we all be good neighbors?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I have a question regarding etiquette. I put a basketball goal up for my son in front of my house. Now my neighbor (who has lived here less than a month) has a son who is ALWAYS using it (when my children are not). He has never asked, nor his parents. Today, they are having a get together with about 10 people, and are outside in front of my house and their own. I had to wait for them to get from in front of my driveway to get in and they didn’t even bother speaking! How would you handle this? Am I being “unneighborly”? –Neighbor

Dear Neighbor,
    Ms Susan is getting grumpy at selfish, un-communicative behavior.
    You are all acting un-neighborly, and are lacking in etiquette.

1. Did you chat with your new neighbors when they moved in? Offered cookies, warmth, hints on your neighborhood? Did you tell them your “vision” for the use of the goal in the FRONT of your house. It is right where they can see it and where they might be annoyed with the “bump, bump, yell” of its use by your child?
2. Having observed their child using it (it is in a public area...sort of, and perhaps...legally...hmmm), did you discuss it with him and/or his parents?
3. “They didn’t bother speaking”....Did you?
4. Is it that they are using something that you think of as yours? Or is it that they did not get out of the way when you were driving in? THINK ABOUT THIS. (Think about whether your child’s academic progress, global warming, or terrorism or whatever is a great deal more important.)

    My understanding of etiquette is that we all like to have it to keep us ALL from killing each other. So we ALL always behave more kindly than our immediate reaction, we DEMONSTRATE THE BEHAVIOR WE WISH TO RECEIVE, and ask and answer POLITELY.
    Come on, everyone. We need to verbally, CALMLY communicate MORE. All of us. All the time.
    So, please take a breath, bake some brownies, and go over and begin a friendly, polite relationship with your new neighbors when you know they might be home. Once this is begun, then you can ask to discuss how both families might best use this goal. The goal is for all of you to be good neighbors.

[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]

Copyright © 2015 by Susan C. Price