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By Susan C. Price
[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]
I was cleaning my 16-year-old son’s bedroom when I found a journal. I know I shouldn’t have looked but curiosity and parental urge made me, and now I wish I hadn’t and don’t know what to do! In it he talks about having sex with girls and also about an upcoming party. I want to advise him about safe sex and using condoms, and also about drugs, which were also mentioned (weed and Uppers?). I’m at a loss as to how to approach this as he will know I read his journal!
Please help, as this party is on Saturday. –Anna
Dear Anna:
The immediate question...is possibly not so immediate. His journal suggests that he has been exposed to/involved in both sexual and drug activity already. It is likely that one more party...won’t be the defining moment. And thus, you have the opportunity now, without a super rush, to think about what your communication with this child has been about and been like, and how you both can improve it.
Parents are supposed to be informed and concerned about their childrens’ actions. Has your child not yet been informed about sex, the risks of disease and parenthood and the dangers of drugs...by you or by his school or his other religious or sports or hobby affiliations? If these opportunities have not been given to your child, sounds like it might be important to seek them out.
The issue of teenage privacy vs parental review…well, I imagine we could discuss that for years and never be certain of what’s perfect. Your son knows you clean his room, right? So he took some risk that his journal would be found, and read. You do have the option of coming “clean” yourself (thereby modeling the behavior you would like to see in him; being upfront and communicative with the truth). Then you can clarify that you are concerned for his health and his future and you wanted to ensure that he was aware of the physical and emotional dangers in these activities. If you have built a communicating relationship with this child, he might not shut you out on this speech. If it causes an explosion..., then this might be the place for you both to start improving this communication. Schools, local non-profits, and religious organizations often offer counseling and help for parents and children.
There’s a whole lot more stuff that you both need to communicate about in the whole lot more years he will likely be with you, and you can both improve this.
[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]
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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price
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Thank you, Susan, for advising Anna, who is the friend of a friend, in how to communicate with her teenage son, who may need instruction in "safe sex" and the dangers of using party drugs.
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