Ask Wednesday: Ask Susan

How can I get my roommate to discuss something without our parting on bad terms?

By Susan C. Price

[Questions are followed by answers and then, inevitably by ADVICE...you DID expect that...didn’t you?]

I’m currently in the process of packing up my belongings to vacate a shared apartment. I’ve lived here, happily, for three years with two friends I met at college, but we’re all going our separate ways. My problem is that one of my roomies, who shall remain nameless, is also packing her things up and she’s started boxing up many of the items the three of us bought together: the kettle, the mirror that was hanging in the front room, and yesterday she was emptying the kitchen cutlery tray into a plastic bag. Now, I’m not saying I want or need these things, but I feel like there should be a discussion and maybe a divvying out of things fairly? What do you think? I don’t want to part on bad terms. –Grace

Dear Grace: You have lived with these friends for three years and still cannot talk to them? Yeah, I know, we all get tongue-tied when “confrontation” occurs.
    I have no idea what Ms Nameless is thinking, and I suspect that you and “number 3” don’t know either. So, yup...this is gonna take friendly, collaborative, discussion. Propose a fun, saying-goodbye-nicely, pizza party and talk about: how you met, fun stuff you have all done together, icky relationships you have survived, college memories, where you are going to live next, (maybe Nameless thinks the two of you automatically HAVE cutlery in your new homes???) and... how you all will decide who gets the couch. As there is probably only one couch, and no one can take it alone, as it is too heavy, cooperation and coordination are required. This may lead to a friendly discussion of how the three of you should decide who takes what.
    And, if this reaches you too late to be of assistance, think about how to avoid the ill-feeling of this in your next living situation. Sort of like a “pre-nup” in a marriage. Ms Susan is a BIG believer in planning ahead to avoid icky. Discuss. Look for stuff that will make you or someone else uncomfortable or angry and agree in advance how to handle it.

[We would really like more questions to answer, so send ’em in….]
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Copyright © 2014 by Susan C. Price

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