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| Drawing by Shirley Deane/Midyett |
By Victor L. Midyett
Breakdowns in an interaction, communication, or negotiation can break down for reasons having nothing to do with “here and now.” A salesman walks into the sales manager’s office with a business problem to discuss.
The sales person begins by explaining the problem in his normal speaking voice while the manager listens. As they to and fro about different aspects of the problem, the salesman becomes frustrated and, wishing to avoid speaking louder, unknowingly raises only the pitch of his voice to try to get his point across.
The sales manager immediately reacts to the raised pitch by becoming highly annoyed at the salesman and accuses him of whining. The manager summarily refuses to discuss the issue any further and kicks the salesman out of his office.
At this point, any resolution has been completely abandoned with absolutely no result or compromise reached. What happened?
It turns out that, as a child, the sales manager was constantly barraged by his father for talking in what the father considered a “whiny” voice pitch. What happened in the scenario above is that the manager was not having a problem with the salesman’s issues, but with his delivery’s shifting to a higher pitch. Any possibility of a solution was discarded. The issue was not the issue. Any chance for a resolution was abandoned because of one person’s unresolved personal history. The abandonment had nothing to do with the “here and now” reality of the situation the salesman was bringing to his manager.
How many times in our own lives, when we are trying to resolve an impasse with our spouse, a co-worker – or anyone – has a similar thing happened, and we part company wondering what just happened? I know this because that salesman, many years ago, was me. And the corporation was a multi-billion dollar company. Children wearing adult britches and wielding self-assumed power can be found anywhere.
I also wonder how often our politicians react similarly with diplomats of other countries. Or worse, with warring factions. How easy would it be? Even in the Oval Office of our White House, no matter who is in charge?
| Copyright © 2020 by Victor L. Midyett |
Victor, that salesman of those years ago “unknowingly,” as you say, raised only the pitch (and not the volume) of his voice. Was there some childhood issue there for him too? This seems as pertinent a point as the sales manager’s reacting unconsciously to the raised pitch. That is, if the salesman had not raised the pitch of his voice, then he and the manager might have reached a resolution.
ReplyDeletePossibly, but I have no recall of that on my part. I would freely admit it if I even had an inkling I did. Logic might suggest I may have but was never pulled up about it. I think I remember searching my heart on the question.
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