When I submitted an audio file of my reading of my 2011 poem “Fairmount” for the sidebar’s “S.o.u.n.d.s of Moristotle & Co.” a few weeks ago, Moristotle observed that he could not hear some of the line breaks he saw presented in my June 21 “Highways and Byways” column, and he asked whether I would like to do a re-reading.
After trying several times, I decided I didn’t like the way it sounded with all those short lines from a dozen years ago (when I wrote it). Consequently, I changed the line breaks (and only the line breaks) as shown in the new version, below.
I do think the poem sounds better this way and I thank Moristotle for catching the missing line breaks. Through the years, I had changed the way I read the poem.
Moris, thank you for challenging me to be a better poet!
“Fairmount” Relined
The boys still lean on cinderblock walls
to have a smoke and contemplate life
away from these vacant buildings,
this dying town forever grasping
at the ghost of a rebel.
The girls still walk by,
get a nod from the hopeful
and giggle down the cracked sidewalk,
crossing the street against the signal
without looking.
The boys follow the girl figures
with unfulfilled eyes
as they slowly disappear around the curve.
In unison,
they stub out their smokes,
flick them into the empty parking lot
and plan another Friday night escape
to Marion.
Someday,
they will leave for good,
only remembering this place
in trivial conversations,
where they will brag about growing up
like James Dean.
Recording Relined
Original Recording
| Copyright © 2023 by Michael E. (Maik) Strosahl |
Maik, the more I consider my complaint about your recorded reading not conveying some of “Fairmount’s” line breaks, the more I criticize my own criticism. Having read my son's doctoral dissertation on various collaborations involved in musical composition and performance, I should have applied its insights to poetry as well: There’s some collaboration, some give-and-take, between a poet and whoever’s delivering his or her poem aloud, even when the poet delivers his or her own poem – you understand (and convey) your own poem differently on different reading occasions. Such considerations as these seem to render my comments about your “missing line breaks” null and void.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, my son’s dissertation will soon be available in book form. You might enjoy reading The Orphic I: A Philosophical Approach to Musical Collaboration when it comes out. Purchase a copy at Barnes & Noble, for example.
The book blurb displayed by Barnes & Noble:
ReplyDelete“The Orphic I: A Philosophical Approach to Musical Collaboration starts from the premise that music is a realm of intersubjective human experience. Drawing on ideas common to both hermeneutic and pragmatic aesthetics, it examines forms of collaboration involving those who create, perform, and listen to music. A new interpretation of the Orpheus myth suggests a model for thinking about creative interactions where composer and performer adopt each other’s perspectives. This imaginative transfer of self—the Orphic I—has significant implications, both for the listener’s perception of authenticity in musical performance, and for the interactions of performers within a musical ensemble. Empathy and entrainment emerge as seminal animating forces in group music-making, providing a non-verbal basis for ethical decision-making among group members.”
But all that philosophical rigmarole aside, I have to say: “Fairmount” grows on me more with every new reading. And my sense also grows of how thoroughly you understand those boys and girls of Fairmount, who will someday brag of growing up like James Dean.
ReplyDelete[An aside: it only recently came to my attention that Merriam-Webster says “rigamarole” is “less common” than “rigmarole,” but I’d swear I’ve HEARD “rigamarole” almost exclusively. How about you?]
Rigamarole here. Ya'll aren't supposed to commenting.
ReplyDeleteOn the contrary, commenting is okay, certainly through August 21 (and thereafter as well, as one wishes).
DeleteThanks for reporting the commonness of "rigamarole" in your parts!