By Jack Cover
One way of looking at the six Irish jokes up for review here on St. Patrick's Day is that they're ethnic jokes and we shouldn't be telling them to one another.
But that's not the way I look at it. The Irish are tough. And they enjoy a good laugh. I'm confident they'll laugh at the following jokes, right along with all of the rest of us.
However, some of the jokes are better than others, and I've commented as appropriate [in indented italics].
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
Of course, Paddy, being a "good Catholic" almost by no choice in Ireland, knows that God would take pity instantly, so the humor here lies in his disingenuousness. Not such a good Catholic after all?Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man says, "I do, Father."
The priest says, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asks the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," the man replies.
"Then stand over there against the wall," says the priest.
Then Father Murphy walks up to O'Toole and asks, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole says, "No, I don't Father."
The priest says, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole says, "Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
The classic move in a well-constructed joke—whatever we might have thought about the group Father Murphy is assembling over there against the wall, O'Toole has just reframed it for us.Paddy was in New York, patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
Same deal. This time "pedestrians" suddenly becomes not a word for people walking, but for the followers of another religion!Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
Of course, a fellow Catholic would ask that, wouldn't he? But you didn't see it coming, did you?Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one—just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
Okay, this is the ONE joke that I think inferior to all of the rest. Not that it's all that bad, but would Mike really be telling anyone a joke that's on himself? Hmm, maybe Mike's the one really good Catholic portrayed here?Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Patton said, "Why do you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Kathleen said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror."
The humor here, I think, is visual. The surprising image of Paddy's applying the Band-Aids to the reflections of his cuts got the biggest laugh from me of all of these jokes. But I think I love the first one the best._______________
Copyright © 2013 by Jack Cover
| Please comment |
In this morning's local paper there's a review of Bobby Knight's book, The Power of Negative Thinking, in which Knight is quoted as saying: "I did have a player who made the sign of the cross before every free throw. I told him to quit it—not because the act offended me; he was a lousy shooter and I told him he was giving the church a bad name."
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the jokes. However, there is a saying: if you have to explain a joke---it is no longer funny.(smile)
ReplyDeleteKonotahe, didn't you know that the purpose of reviews generally is to make it unnecessary for you to watch or read or listen to the thing reviewed? That's probably why Mr. Cover told each joke FIRST, followed by his comments.
DeleteBy the way, I myself generally do not read movie reviews before watching the films.
And, I generally don't listen to jokes that need to be explained. I heard of people reviewing a lot of things---a joke should never need to reviewed---it is funny or it is not. What is there to review.
DeleteWell, good sir, it is evident that you did NOT get the main joke here—the very idea of REVIEWING JOKES.
DeleteI was SO DELIGHTED when the joke occurred to me (a first for the "Sunday Review" column), I was happy the whole rest of the day.
Forgive me for having just suggested that you may have been the butt of the joke!
Well, why didn't you so, I had no idea it was a joke, although it does prove my point about if a joke needs to be explained---this however, did bring a smile.
ReplyDeleteVery good, my son. For reward, here's another joke. Its only connection to St. Patrick's Day is that Jack Cover sent it to me.
DeleteAn Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights w/numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.
The father said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
Seeing as we are going down this road, let me tell you a story about some Mennonites, who lived outside of Aberdeen, Mississippi.
ReplyDeleteThe Mennonites vote for their leaders, so the rules and laws can and in most cases do change with the leadership of the community. At one time this group did not believe in going a doctor for anything---if prayer couldn't save you---then you died.
After the death of the old leader---a new young person took over the leadership and made a lot of changes. Now the flock were allowed to own pick-ups and no longer had to come to town in horse and wagon. Also, they could seek help from a doctor. Most of the flock had never been to a doctor, so the experience was quite new to them.
Across from my aunt's store was the office of Dr. Dabbs, to whom a man from the flock sought help for his wife with child.
The baby was born healthy and happy. Doctor Dabbs asked the couple if they would like to have their baby circumcised. At first they had no idea what he was talking about.
Thee doctor took his time and explained why and how it was done and the couple decided they wanted their baby circumcised.
At the store, we heard about all of this three weeks later, when the doctor came in the laughing at how the man brought his two older sons in and demanded they be circumcised. He say he would not have one son different from the other.
The brothers were 23 and 19---Dr. Dabbs said he had never seen two people in more pain.
Konotahe, did the story REALLY involve your aunt, or was that just your very skillful way of making the story seem more authentic?
DeleteSince the story isn't funny (at least I didn't find it so), I assume you didn't tell it as such—even though your lead-in suggested you were about to share a joke.
Everything is as I have said. I worked in the summers at the store---long benches lined the front along the sidewalk and people drink sodas and talked on and off all day. At night people would stop in from their evening walk to gossip. It was a different time. We all laugh at others pain if it is not harmful. Dr. Dabbs did a booming business after the word got out. I doubt the young men thought there was much humor in it ether.
DeleteDear Konotahe, please accept my belated apology for the rude way I treated your story about Dr. Dabbs. I should at least have waited until I heard back from you as to whether you offered it as a joke or "just a story."
DeleteAnd then (and only then), if you confirmed that you had told it for a laugh, I might have been softer in raising the question whether the ending needed a bit of work to help bring out the humor more effectively. It was really too much, my saying bluntly that I didn't find the story funny.
I do apologize, and I hope you will forgive me for my insensitivity on that occasion.
And don't hesitate in future to let me know, either privately or publicly, if I should transgress again. I would prefer not to repeat that sort of thing.
I was afraid you were posting that here so i copied my e-mail to you.
DeleteMorris after all these years you should know I am not thin-skinned. I enjoyed your comment. I hope no one takes any of this to heart---it is after all only an opinion, a question, or chain pulling. I feel no malice from nor toward anyone and I believe the other on this blog feel the same. I would be happy to except you apology if it were warranted, but seeing that it is not. You have wasted a good guilty trip.
Konotahe, why "afraid"? My comment may not have offended you in the least, but others who are as sensitive as I (usually) am might have had second-thoughts about it, so I thought it would be well to "go public." I will never hesitate to go public when I feel that I'm in the wrong and it's important for people to know that I know it and regret it. THANK YOU for being so easy-going!
DeleteI wanted to make sure that everybody understood we disagreed on me being "wronged". Although I had e-mailed you; it dawned on me that you would put it on your blog.(smile)
DeleteMorris, how can you not consider Konotahe's joke funny? Anything rooted in religious-based ridiculousness is good for a laugh - as long as it is rooted a safe distance away.
ReplyDeleteThe story's concluding paragraph needs significant work. Let me think on how it might be improved into a good joke ending....
DeleteThis could be an extension of Jack's jokes "review."
Will you be adding a schematic diagram to ensure we follow accurately?
ReplyDeleteNo, no schematic diagram, just a suggestion for an alternative ending. Hmm, maybe....
Delete...the couple decided they wanted their baby circumcised.
The doctor came into the store three weeks later. He said he wasn't expecting THREE babies, but the father didn't want the youngest one to receive special treatment.
"The older ones found it pretty painful, thought. They were 18 and 23."
Oops, "pretty painful, THOUGH." Sorry about the typo; it'll ruin a line almost every time.
DeleteStill needs a schematic. Maybe at least a stick-figure drawing so we more vividly grasp the age difference?
ReplyDeleteYou think that's a funny comeback, don't you?
DeleteMaybe a soundtrack then, instead of a schematic?
ReplyDeleteSorry, just trying to get into the spirit of reviewing and critiquing jokes. I tend to agree with Konotahe's point that if a joke needs to be explained...or corrected for grammar...or re-written...
That said, I thought the joke about the Amish father and son watching the woman in a wheelchair go into the elevator and the beautiful young woman come out, was hilarious!
Right, if a joke needs to be rewritten, it wasn't successful as presented. But jokes ARE written, and often their first draft doesn't quite reach the prime-time mark.
ReplyDeleteJust trying to help.